I have to keep up

The efforts of trying to move on... I succeed on some days.. And then I slip drastically on some days... But really just have to keep going with my efforts in forgetting, forgiving and moving on. Met all my relatives on Friday .. Yeah literally all of them from both my father and my mother's side.. And the joy on their faces when I told them I am ready to marry any guy of their choice .. Was unbelievable. And since then the process has started .. Of sending emails with bios and pics.. The calls for confirmation that I am looking at them. It's been crazy! I am kind of liking it. You can pick and choose what you want and then wait for one of your choices to choose you.. Funny ain't it. Meeting two of them sometime this week. Lol I'll keep u posted.

Love
:)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

End of Slavery

So last night was literally my last night of crazy hours. No more! From Monday I am permanently into human hours lol 10-6 or 12-8 whichever I please. Aahhh Bless!!

One hurdle crossed!

xoxo
Me :)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Happy Diwali

Wishing all of u a very happy and prosperous diwali. I have hardly been blogging but I promise to get back this week. Till then enjoy, be safe and love thy self!

xoxo
Motormouth
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

somethings are not always true.......

I've learned that saying: "love conquers all" isn't always true.
I've learned that hope can rob you of time.
I've learned to acknowledge red flags much sooner and trust my gut more.
I've learned not to let the physical side of a relationship cloud my judgement.
I've learned that being single does not necessarily mean that one is "alone".
I've learned that I'm a much stronger person than I thought ...............

Top 5 reasons why getting married rocks!

#5: best friend + partner in crime + mentor + companion + boyfriend + shoulder to cry on + confidante + grocery shopper + chauffeur + heavy lifter + jar opener + life partner + baby maker + tax break + bed-sharer + cheerleader + travelling companion + personal chef + court jester + pillow + handyman + nurse + a sympathetic ear + honest opinion = husband

#4: There is nothing more romantic than the man you love standing up in front of God and everybody to say, I love you, and today I commit myself, my heart, my body and my life to you for the rest of our days.

#3: Marriage is the start of building a life, a home and a family together.  Everything becomes more affordable when there's two people working toward the same thing.

#2: It is the closest thing a girl can get to a gaurantee that she will always have someone by her side in this crazy, upside down world of ours.

#1: We are just better together than we are apart.

Off to Jaipur!!!

As I type this I am on my way to Jaipur for a day trip with work mates! Awesome mausam and badiya gaane! Majaa aavi gayo!

Me :B
*Please excuse grammar and brevity - Sent from BlackBerry®

My problem with Big is….

He is STILL not ready for a commitment. He wants to make this relationship work on his terms. I feel like I’ve lost control over my life (as I sit here waiting for a man to tell me what sort of life, and what sort of relationship, I am to have). I just feel like I should tell him to away, but I love him and the mere thought of being without him leaves with in a tizzy.

I am experiencing something a lot of people must have – hanging around waiting for the other person to call the shots in your relationship. I am trying to keep my ‘anxiety’ under control when actually it’s my intuition trying to tell me what’s going on.

At this point in our relationship there should have been some sort of commitment statement- spoken or unspoken. That’s what should have happened- we should have been ‘melding’ you separate lives together. But unfortunately we don’t think alike.

I now get a feeling that he really doesn’t see me as ‘the one’. But because he cares for me, to a certain extent, he doesn’t want to fully let me go. He’s got me in some sort of a ‘holding zone’ – not quite sure where to take it but not fully committed.  Is that what I really want? No, obviously I don’t.

No matter how I deal with it but I have promised myself that I will deal with it. I need to begin as I mean to go on – with bags of self respect.

Too bad he could not make his mind up in all this time. I will work out my insecurities that stop me from expecting the best treatment.  It does not matter what he thinks. I understand his priorities but I expected the same from him and thought that maybe we could work something out, maybe a middle path. But that happens only when two people are ready not when only one person wants everything from that relationship and other does not seem to have in his scheme of priorities.

Life is too short! And I want to spend it with people who truly value me.

Me xx

Break from Bhasad

Today is not one of my best days. I can certainly do better. I am so stressed and frustrated.

I am so stressed about everything in my personal life. I wonder why equilibrium cannot be maintained between personal and professional life. When personal life looks fine, the professional life goes for a toss. Now, that the professional life is fine and going smooth, the personal life is going for a toss. Why?

Things at home are so bizarre right now that it is absolutely impossible for me to believe that they are happening.  Things with Big are turning uglier day by day. Instead of moving towards a commitment, we are moving away from it. It is so frustrating that it’s unbelievable.

I want a break from everything. I want a break from living with parents and siblings (no offence, I love them and they love me, I just feel like I miss the time I was running my own house) I want a break from someone who can’t commit to me. I want a break from Bhasad.

Amidst a lot of Bhasad.

Me :(

Why don't I write more often?

That's a question I ask myself a lot these days. Work and other commitments have taken away my time to write. Although, I do want to send this post now as I lay in my bed thinking about the current situation in my life. The current situation is that of numbness. I definitely have seen a lot worse. I am not totally unhappy right now which seems like an achievement in itself, however, I am battling some personal demons like anger and bluntness which is a tiring task. Work is going okay, personal life is not bad if not completely satisfying. I need to retrospect on a lot of my underlying habits, bad qualities( are they called qualities) and I need to become a better person.

Will write more!

Morning xx
Me :/
*Please excuse grammar and brevity - Sent from BlackBerry®

My wedding dress!

No, I am not getting married, however, I now have my wedding dress.

I (whenever I get married) will be wearing my mother's wedding saree for more than just sentimental reasons.

1. It's in the perfect shade of red that I wanted.

2. Vintage. (30 years old)

3. Banarasi Silk Saree (Its gorgeous)

4. My mother has a successful married life so Good Omen!

5. and ofcourse its my mother's wedding saree....it has to be mine.

I have never been a fan of the typical lehngas as a wedding attire simply because I feel a saree is far more ageless and graceful. You can wear it more number of times than a lehnga... and most importantly a saree never goes out of fashion.

Over the years my mother has made sure that the Saree was kept in a good condition so it does not need much restoration but I will be sending it for restoration nevetheless. Also I will be getting a nice blouse with it and ofcourse some awesome jewellery.

Yay!

Me

Editorial Calendar and more

I am planning to write a lot more on this blog. So I have come up with a plan for the blog. A weekly plan with fixed days to talk about things I like.

Meticulous Mondays: All things money, all my planning for the house, organizing and de-cluttering etc.

Tangy Tuesdays: Food! Food and more food. Recipes, ingredients and just random food.

Fun Fridays: This might or might not be regular. If I have something fun to tell, it'll basically be categorized under this.

Sorted Sundays: What's happening in my life, whats going on in my mind and what's about to come.

I hope I am able to stick to this schedule. I am making use of an editorial calendar for the same. Let's see how organized I can get. FYI I start this routine on monday.

Love,

Me

Game Plan

I love reading. I love surfing the internet. I love reading on the internet.

I have been reading a lot on how to plan ahead for buying a house. After a lot of reading these are the things that I think are essential components of a game plan for buying a house.

1. Keep your bank statements in perfect order. No bounced checks, no unplanned over drafts, no fines for minimum balance not met etc.
2. Pay your taxes on time and have the ITRs in place. Banks usually check for last three years of ITRs but I am planning to have spotless ITRs for five years when I make my application.
3. Have a stable professional life. Dont switch jobs every year. Banks make reference checks so it is important that you are stable in your job.
4. Don't have other financial burdens. A car can wait if a house is really what you want. Don't have too many financial commitments when planning for a home loan since it will take up major part of your salary every month. You want to be able to buy food at the end of the day.
5. Pre Approval of a loan. Banks allow a window period of six months for you to finalize a property after the loan is approved. Pre approval is a self assurity that you have the necessary funding. When you get a good deal you will not have to waste a lot of time to get the loan which will ensure you don't miss the deal.

One very important thing. India has just started catching up on the concept of credit score. Be a good customer. Pay your utility bills on time. After 2-3 years it will become very important for individuals to have a good credit score to be able to qualify for a home loan at favourable interest rates. So, start now and start smart. Pay your bills on time. Do not get in credit card debt. It is the worst kind of debt with outrageous interest rates and is almost like a vicious cycle.

Love

Me

My 5 Year Goals!

So I have almost reached mid twenties and it's time I really put down my medium term (read 5 year) goals.  
I know that the farther out you look, the harder it is to accurately determine outcomes or set goals, so I take these with a grain of salt. As life happens, and situations change, these will likely need to be updated.

So here is my list of what I want to achieve in the next five years.

1. Buy a house: This one has been on the radar for a long time and I am sure most of you know about it already. I know I cannot do it right away but since I am done with my education, have a stable job and no debt, its safe to say that I can focus on it right now so as to achieve it till my 29th birthday and have it all up and ready by my 30th. Its a goal I think about every single day when I wake up. As I will get more established career wise I guess I will get closer to achieving this. Bear in mind that my getting married and staying in my hubby's den has nothing to do with it. This goal remains to be fulfilled nevertheless. The good part is I am very close to having the down payment ready. Waiting for 2-3 years before I start the process will only give me time to build a good credit history and have a much more stable income for getting a house loan (In india you can get upto 10 times your salary).
2. Build a rainy day fund of Rs. 5,00,000: So this one might sound odd but this practically means a portifolio (not including long term investments or the house) of this much amount which includes both liquidity and short term safe investments. I am pretty sure I will be able to do much more than this because I have a policy maturing in 2014 which will give me more than 60% of this amount just like that. Although, since I have other financial goals I have kept it to a realistic level so that its easier to achieve.
3. Have a stable pension plan: Fewer people my age are focusing on getting a pension plan instead they choosing to have share and stock portfolios. I have a simple funda- don't put your money in something you don't understand. So shares and stocks are not a part of my financial agenda. Not for now atleast. I am looking around for a stable pension plan and I hope to have this one sorted till my 25th birthday next year in feb. What I have in mind for this plan is simple: Should mature on my 60th and give me regular income yet have the option of taking the corpus in lumpsum along with accidental cover.

I think that's pretty much all. These have been there on the radar for a long time only I did not think I was in a stable situation to actually start putting my time, energy and most importantly money on them.

Some of you might think why a car is not on the list. Reasons below:

1. Simply put : Its depriciates.
2. Petrol prices are skyrocketing.
3. Metro and Auto are tolerable.
4. The car my parents gave me might be 5 years old already but it is in perfect working condition (except the shocker :D). Although, I don't use it all that much so I think I am good where I am right now and I don't want to put my money on a car. I might change my mind on that but so far this is what my thoughs are on buying a car.

I would love to hear your opinion on this so please leave a comment or two.

Love
Drama Queen

Silence is silver....

I have realized during these last four weeks that silence can be much more than just being quite. It can make you see things in a different perspective since you are only listening and not processing your own thoughts into speech at the same time.

Listening and only listening can help you see and understand things in a better light. But for someome like me who speaks much before she even listens or thinks, it is a tiring task in itself to keep quite.

I am trying and I see myself succeeding in it and for the first time in years I understand why they say Silence is Golden. Although I think it is silver. It shows your the silver lining in everything.

Silently
Drama Queen

Annual Holiday Destination for 2011: Kashmir

Finally I have decided the destination for my annual vacation in September. I have been taking my annual vacations in September since a long time now, and this year will be no different. This year the destination is Kashmir.

I am thrilled because I have never been to Kashmir. The reason I have chosen Kashmir is because a very close friend of mine ..(You all know Iram...:D) is getting married in September in Srinagar. (Which is fantastic because this meant that I did not have to waste time on deciding the destination for this year. YAY!)

I will have the final dates by Thursday so just keeping my fingers crossed for perfect days and a well planned holiday.

If any of you have been to Kashmir then please leave comments regarding: Places to go, things to do and shopping :D.

FYI: It will be a 7 day long trip.

Thrilled
Drama Queen

For my lovelays!

Just got off a long phone call with Shru. The phone call reminded me of how much I love my girlfriends. How much I can trust them for being with me in times of crisis. So this one is for my girlfriends. Yes all of them....Kanchu, Shruti, Neha, Saumya and Garima. Thanks a LOT for always being there for me.
You guys are my knight in shining whatever LOL!

I can think of a wonderful quote by Lee Iacocca that pretty much sums up my friendship with you guys!

"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life."

 xoxo
Drama Queen

Where's my happy ending?

I have been trying to write this post from the last two hours. And I seem to be so confused about publishing it that I saved it in drafts twice. Never the less, here it goes.....

My mother is visibly upset with me. Reason: I did not attend a very close family friend's daughter's engagement party yesterday evening. Where was I ? Trying to find my own happy ending. Did I get it ? No. Not everybody is lucky in the happy ending department. Why did I stay away from the party? As much as I am happy for Charu (the girl/bride/lucky in the H E Department) I felt that it would be a stab in my chest to see everybody getting a very happy ending with their boyfriends/lovers/partners (whichever you prefer) and I am the only one who is unlucky to be forever trying to work it out with Big (who I am convinced is not bothered even the remotest bit) So i decided to not attend any such party or celebration where I cannot truly be a part of someone's happiness because I am loathing over my own inability to find someone as crazy and bollywoody LOL as I am. I don't want to go to such parties and stand in a corner and sulk over my miseries in the love department. And, NO I am not miss goody two shoes who thinks like Tulsi of some television show, that you should be happy in everybody else's happiness and not even think about yours. Well Tulsi had a husband, she did not have to worry about what to wear on a date, she did not have to worry about whether her boyfriend is taking it as a casual fling or whether he is serious, she did not have to feel sorry for herself when every time her boyfriend knelt it was not to propose but to pick up a pen or any other less-important-than-a-ring object. I am convinced Tulsi never had to deal with a heart wrenching break up where her boyfriend was a bigger commitment phoebe than Godzilla himself. (Any comparison here with a giant monster is purely size based). So I conclude I am not miss goody two shoes.

I feel bad, I feel horrible when I see my facebook page smothered with announcement/engagement/wedding pictures of friends and sometimes juniors from school. Do I want a wedding right now? NO. But I do want someone whom I am convinced I will spend the rest of my life with.

To Conclude:
My ability to choose an inappropriate partner is legendary. I wish I do not pass this to my children.

Not So Much Love
Me :(

A dream I dream.....

                                                                           Source: Chon's

I think almost all of you know how much I want to have my own house one day. Don't get me wrong. I do love my parents and their house but I just think I need to have my own to feel at home. Wow! Did that just rhyme?
Coming to the point, I have had this image saved neatly on my desktop for a very long time now. Everytime I picture myself having a home, I imagine a house like this. This is just an area in a house but it symbolizes me. Let me tell you how....It has an open kitchen plan which a chic' breakfast area (bar stool area) which is exactly what I want to have when I have a home. I want to be able to have an area to cuddle while having a late sunday brunch. I want to be able to cook and serve 'live' lol!
The soothing blue color on the wall is exactly the shade that I want on my walls. Oh how I love this picture. And I can only hope and pray I have a home soon enough to realize my design dream.

Will post more on home...Laterzzz

Dreamy
Me :)

Old Drafts.....I should have published.

I loved him for so long and he has punished me for it. He ended up treating me like someone he owned instead of someone he earned. And it destroyed me.

Happiness is not the most important thing. People don't like sonnets about being compatible or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversations. Great loves are crazy ones. Great Love, for us.....it's complicated, intense, all consuming, no matter what we do, how much we fight it always pulls us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that.

Dear A,

When I asked you forever ago, What are we A.... last winter you said we couldn't be together...and I believed you. But every time I tried to move on, you are right there. Maybe you just want me to be, just as unhappy as you are. And if you want me to be happy, then look down deep into the soul, I know you have. And tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it just a game. If it is real, we'll figure it out. All of it. But if it is not then please just let me go.

Me

They say parting is such sweet sorrow. But wouldn't it be nice if just for once ...it didn't have to be.

Love
Me :) 

ROFL *Holding my Stomach coz it hurts*

# 1...4...5

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Shivani !

1. Shivani will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory!
2. In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as Shivani .
3. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than Shivani .
4. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Shivani fighting underground.
5. India tested its first nuclear Shivani in 1987.
6. Shivani can squeeze her entire body through a hole the size of her beak.
7. Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of Shivani in your ear 700 times.
8. It's bad luck to whistle near Shivani !
9. You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of Shivani to reach the earth's core!
10. Shivani is actually a mammal, not a fish!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Life: A leap of faith

When Charles Dickens wrote - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" who knew he was talking about my life or more accurately, my mid twenties. I have seen, many a teenagers or young adults, like myself, exclaim at times that life is a roller coaster. Now, I wouldn't completely agree with that because I have not been faced with situations as extreme as a roller coaster ride, however,  to a certain degree I do agree that life is in essence a mix of emotions just like the ones felt while on a roller coaster ride.

When I started blogging, way back in 2007 I started with the idea of maintaining a journal so that I could archive my emotions, sensibilities and thoughts all on one page. As I read through the old posts I see that I have come a long way. I might have faced slumps and I might have experienced some great highs but I  have never ceased to be the person that I always knew I was. I have surprised myself a lot of times, times when I stopped looking forward, times when I questioned my capabilities, times when I questioned my very being, but I am glad to announce I did survive. I survived professional slumps, I survived damaging break ups, I survived living alone for a long period, I survived losing my sister, I survived losing a close one to cancer right in front of my eyes, I survived packing up his life long belongings into one truck load all by myself.  I did survive and this should act as a great example for future reference. We all just survive. What we must not forget is life just moves on. Life is all about living. Just living.

As I look at my life now, I think of this wonderful quote by George Eliot ..."It's never too late to be what you might have been"


xoxo
Drama Queen 

What I learnt from 24 years of life on earth...

This is a comprehensive list of the things I have learnt from life in general including- relationships, dating, girlfriends, campus life...and blah batshit in general. 

1. You cannot please everyone. You just cannot do it. So don't even try it because in your attempts to do so you might not please anyone. Just be practical. Just think what is right at that moment and do that. You might not please anyone at that moment but in doing the right thing you are only making tomorrow a better day to face. 
2. Give yourself 'at least' six months of dating before you leap onto a relationship(I mean,with the same person). This is a big huge lesson and this also happens to be the lesson I never followed until I learnt the hard way.(And why this is an important lesson, requires a separate blog post which I shall soon write) 
3. Chicks before dicks:This rule has no substitute. And I know almost 90% of the girls do otherwise. Don't sideline your girlfriends when you have a boyfriend. Boyfriend (unless straight from heaven) will dump you in the worst possible way (I can't even begin to tell what all batshit people can come up with just to break up) but your girlfriend will stick around even after you have practically broken her favorite Estee Lauder Lipstick. *drum roll for girlfriends* 
4. Never share your assignments with friends (who claim to be your friend and then copy your assignment word by word, knowing very well that plagiarism or collusion can lead to a 'fail' for you.) When in India where plagiarism is a non existential offence ..this rule does not apply. Copy and let others copy. LOL 
5. When you have a touchy relationship with people. (In my case my SIL)...Silence is Golden. Just mind your own business and forget about other's existence and you will be in eternal peace.
6. Dump the guy who cant own being with you, at the first possible opportunity. This needs no explanation. 

I'll post more when I can recollect all of them. But for now these are the important ones. 

Laterzz..

xoxo

Me :) 

Heaven-ly Saturday!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I turned a corner this week and to celebrate my personal achievement or success at moving on I am giving myself a restful weekend. Yes, I am actually not doing anything this weekend. No chores, No going out, No drinking, No fried food and No disturbing thoughts. I have a big smile on my face because my mind is rested. I had a fabulous and peaceful Saturday. I slept through most of it and had lovely heaven like dreams. 

I have always had this vision of what heaven would look like for me. So yes, I do believe in heaven and hell. And to a certain degree I hope and think I will go to heaven. (Self confidence...!!!! :D). So my vision of heaven is somewhat like a song from any Yash Chopra movie shot in scenic Switzerland. Only I am alone in that dream , draped sexily in a satin sheet LOL yes A sheet .....(No there is no reference of any man I might or might not sleep with in heaven - Its just me in a sexily draped sheet LOL) running in a lush green field (It sounds so moronic but it is actually a beautiful sight) and there comes a time when I turn around and just fall freely on the grass (Cushy grass!) on my back and just stare at the clear blue sky. 

Imagine the lovely lush green fields with flowers all around that they show in Yash Chopra movies. Yeah THAT! 

So I dreamt about my vision this afternoon. I never wanted to wake up from that beautiful dream. Only, I am now thinking how many miles I must have ran before I turned around if the dream lasted for 4 hours. PHEW! But it was beautiful. The sky was blue, there were mountains all around and I was draped in a lovely satin sheet (red in this dream) and running in a field full of lush green. Ahhh! Fantasies people have! 

Anyways, so tomorrow the restful weekend plan continues and as crazy as I sound right now but, I am smiling whilst even writing this post. LOL 

Laterzzzz...

xoxo

Me :) 

Emotional Duck-ism

I am an emotional duck.

There is a saying about how ducks and swans are seen to be gliding along the surface of a water body, all smooth, elegant, serence and calm, while underneath, their feet are going rapidly to keep them going.
Yeah, well that's me and my emotional casserole.

I feel like I turned a masive corner this week.These last few weeks, or maybe even this last month has been a hard one but a certain peace and calmness has come over me and a very clear sign of the same, is the fact, that I slept like a log without any disturbing dreams for straight 11 hours! Sound sleep had become a distant dream since a couple of weeks. I could not sleep properly, I could not enjoy food, I could not enjoy just being in my skin. Something clicked, I cannot put a finger on what it was, but something just clicked and I feel, well, relieved.

It's really nice to come out of a week and feel like getting through the next week is something I can actually do. I am finally able to focus my energy on planning. If you know me, you'd know that planning and looking forward (no matter how successful or unsuccessful it is) makes me feel good. And somehow, suprisingly enough, my plans -when not successful- do not shatter my hapiness. When I am at my best, I shrug the disappointment off and say to myself "time for some new ones". And yet again, I start to look forward.

For now, that's all I have to say. Will post a lot ...soon!

xoxo
Drama Queen

I'm lovin it!

Today was the first day of enjoying singledom. (After long tense months of trying to work out a relationship) I don't know what was wrong or perhaps right today. I was super bubbly and just happy (I don't know why-but isn't that good)

I felt that zing in me again after such a long time. Seems like YAY I am happy again. I realized that if someone would rather look for new reasons everyday on why we should not be together rather than being with me, then I am pretty much just better off being single.

A close friend of mine had suggested some time back
"just be single and enjoy the attention"....and Guess what ..I just did that today!

YAY! For the first time since months...I actually feel happily single! And I am lovin it! La La La!

A BIG TOUCHWOOD!

Love
Me :)

Big just Died for me!

End of the story.
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Relieved

I have finally managed to secure the blog. This blog is now visible only to certain selected people. You cannot Google it, you cannot just read it if you have the link. You need to be an approved reader (approved by me obviously) to be able to view my blog. This has come as such a huge relief since I did not want people at my work place or just random people to read my blog. So if you can see it, you are the privileged lot...he he.

Love,
Me :) 

Working on this blog! Yay!

I am trying to make this blog as user friendly as I can. In my attempts to do so I have added a couple of gadgets and removed some non functional ones.

On the right hand side you can see a Label Cloud. I am trying to label all my blog posts but it will take me a week to finish them all. But meanwhile I have labelled some of the posts which will be visible under the respective labels. This helps in identifying similar blog posts for example, all the posts which have images will be labelled under Images. One post can have more than one label so don't be confused if you see the same posts in two different labels. (I don't think you will put in so much brain and effort on my mindless blog he he but what the hell I am doing my duty of informing my lovely audience :D (I am such a drama queen ...like I ever said) 

Also, I am doing both of us a big favor by Previewing the post before I publish it which results in lesser mistakes in grammar, spelling and punctuation. Don't expect me to write fancy because I cannot. This is my diary and I blab in my diary. Please like it for what it is :)

Love 

Me :)

My Make up Essentials

Please note that I do not use all of them together LOL....I am a light make up person. But these are the essentials that I use whenever I do.

1. I love eye lash curler. I think its one of the best inventions he he. (In the make up world I mean LOL) 
2. MAC Kohl Sticks in Black and Grey. 
3. Body Shop Blush (in natural tone) - No. 10 Fard A Jous
4. Maybelline Mascara - XXL and Full n Soft, (Even Colossol volume is good)
5. Lip Balm - Any would do, I am currently using The Little Green Tin by Superdrug 
6. Elizabeth Arden Dual Lip Gloss in Naturals- Sunset and Sunrise ..(LOVE IT! Its yummy too lol) 
7. MUST HAVE : Lancome Star Gloss - Clear Lip Shine without any bling or tint. Louuvvvee It. 
8. My Favourite Lipsticks : Estee Lauder Signature Lipstick - Dune Rose No.11  and The Body Shop No.56 (YUM) and CK No. 204 Abstract - Delicious Truth 
9. For make up remover I use : The Body Shop's Camomile Gentle Eye Make Up Remover OR Boots Botanics Soothing Eye Make Up Remover. 

I am not bragging about any products. I just believe in wearing sasta clothes and good make up LOL....he he pasie bachao paise kharcho especially if you are on a shoe string budget like mine.

Love 

Me :) 

Books that I am currently reading or about to start

This is actually a vague list of what I will be reading over summer. Please note that I am reading two of them currently.

1. Laughable Loves - Milan Kundera
2. The unbearable lightness of being - Milan Kundera
3. Prince of Ayodhya  and 3 more parts of the series - Ashok K. Banker 
4. The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana - Umberto Eco 
5. The Island of Day Before - Umberto Eco 
6. Inferno- Dante 
7. My Name is Red - Orhan Pamuk 
8. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the night time - Mark Haddon 
9. Jawaharlal Nehru An Autobiography 
10. Snow - Orhan Pamuk 

Now, out of the ten mentioned above, I have already read My name is Red by Orhan Pamuk maybe twice or thrice. It is one of my favorite books and I plan to re-read it this summer. 

I am currently reading the unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera and I just began The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco . I personally do not recommend reading more than one book at a time because I personally feel you cannot be completely absorbed in a book when you are having a fling with another. But there is something peculiar about The unbearable lightness of being. It is very textually rich and heavy in matter and every time I read it I cannot get past 6-7 pages because it actually leaves my head a bit heavy. It provokes thoughts I never knew I could have. It invigorates a process in my mind that brings my mind to unrest. (Did that make sense) All I know is it does something that I cannot express in words for those are strong emotions we are talking about.  

This is the reason why I am reading another book (The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana - Umberto Eco) along with it, which calms the unrest in my mind. I have just started it, so it is a bit early to comment on it. But I will keep you posted. 

If there are any books you would like to suggest, please feel free to drop a comment. 

Love

me :)

What's in my Bag???

A peek into what's in my bag.....
I am absolutely in love with this delicious River Island Black Quilted Shopper Bag which I have had for a year now but I cannot seem to get enough of it.
. 
They had a very limited stock of these bags (Which were replicated A LOT...there were some downright cheap copies that I saw, and that totally broke my heart yet, I had the consolation that I picked the original at the right time and at the right place.) It is not a very expensive bag, I vaguely remember paying £30 for it and it is specifically from the River Island store in Liverpool (my favorite RI outlet so far). Enough about the bag. I must get to the point now...What is in it ?
These are the things I usually carry in my bag. I am sure this explains why I will never be seen with small bags. I think they are a waste of money (its a highly personal opinion, so those of you who like them please do not take offence)

1. Spectacles w/ case (shiny golden one he he BLING BLING)
2. Sunglasses (even though I hardly ever use them, I think it is always advisable to carry a pair.)
3. House keys...The key ring is from Delhi Haat for Rs70 ...its soo pretty ..(but chipped in a week :( ...total raste ka maal saste mein) 
4. My ID card from work- whether its a weekday or a weekend it is always in by bag because I am so careless and I can't afford to lose it. 
5. USB  or Flash Drive - just random stuff like my resume, some pictures,a couple of songs and some other random stuff (I don't even know what, havnt checked in aged) 
6. My phone and an extra cover for my BB, (I carry the hot pink case as an extra because even though I like it, but it can be really annoying at times so I use the original BB case)And unlike some people I CAN LIVE WITHOUT MY PHONE, I do NOT think it is an absolute necessity. 
7. My wallet (needs no explanation) 
8. Lip Balm - My green tin YAY 
9. A perfume. It could be any..I am not fussy but I do not like to carry around big bulky bottles. Something medium size does it for my bag ;-) 
10. A couple of pens.
11. Chewing Gum! A MUST MUST HAVE. 
12. My makeup pouch/bag or whatever it is. 
13. A pair of earphones (or ear plugs or headsets...I don't know what's the correct terminology...My Vocab is horrible...but I think headsets are the ones that rest on your head and outer surface of your ears...pffttttt..let it be) 
14. Some loose powder (I have never used it yet I have never bothered to take it out-I hoard)  
15. Tampons (that pink can) 
16. I also carry wet tissues or hand sanitizer(I am wondering why it is not in the picture..probably its somewhere in the bag)

Pheww that is a lot of stuff and a long list but yeah that's about it. 

Love 

Me :)

Freshhhhhhh!!!

I know you are absolutely bored out of your wits by reading about my sob stories with Big!(Even though I am not :( ...) So just to keep you happy and interested I am going to upload a couple of posts which will be very different from what I have done till now. The following three will be up in a couple of minutes.

1. What's in my bag?
2. Books I am in process of reading and about to begin....
3. My Make Up essentials! (yah I knw....LOL) 

Hope you like them! 

P.S Also a note to people in the mailing list:.(READ: KANCHU) Stop replying back to those blog post mass emails. They are BOUNCE emails sent by an external server/mailbox (I don't exactly know what) When you comment on them (By hitting the REPLY button), I don't get them as blog post comments, I get them as emails in the obscure email id I DO NOT USE! ..and yes I love you too. 

If you all wish to comment ....Please comment on the blog posts. Just because I have given you guys the ease of reading the blog posts the moment I post them...directly through an e-mail does not mean I will NOT appreciate your effort of coming to my blog and POSTING A COMMENT! I love you all..:)

Love, 

Shivani 

View From Work ....:D

View from the Workstation :)

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Found It!

Finally found my watch, that had gone missing around 3 months back. Apparently it was buried under my winter clothes which were packed off for next winters a couple of months back. My domestic help decided to check if I had folded them nicely and kept pot pourri (Big taught me its prounced as ..PAWPOURRI- (So credit here) sachets in my winter clothes(for leeping away the stale smell), and thats when it occured to me that the watch is missing ever since winters got over. I dug out all clothes, and there it was, lying at the bottom of the bag ...waiting to be found. Awwww my lovely little watch. Me loves it xoxo.......

Post the lovely find...I decided to shower it with lots of love lol so I kept it for good 4 hours in its cushioned box so that it could feel at home one again. (yes I am bordering on craziness ...or maybe I am there already) ...and I am wearing it now...Yay!

I gave lots of TLC to all my watches today so that they knew that I am always concerned about them...and that I love them a lot!

Next Mission: Find the missing iPod! 

Love
Me :)

A surfeit of laughter

Last Sunday (the sunday that just went) my girlfriends(Neha and Shruti) came home for a sleep over. Well, there was hardly any sleep involved in it. We discussed everything from sangrias to sex to shoes! One hell of a night it was! Ok so whats new in this? I laughed....A Lot! A Whole Lot Lot!
We cracked up on a personal joke (which is now in our book of highly awesome personal jokes :D) and me and shruti could not just stop laughing, I think we laughed  for like 20 minutes non stop, obviously at the expense of Neha huhahaha! My stomach was hurting with the laughter and tears came rolling down(this is how hard we were laughing) It was at that point of time that I realized that I had not laughed my lungs out (literally) in months (even if its a year now...I wont be surprised). Last I laughed like this it was towards the end of 2009 or maybe early 2010.
What went wrong? I dont know! But I did not laugh that well! And it was in that brief moment of time I realized how important it is to laugh, how important it is to have close friends to share that laughter with and how important it is to always feel so good about something that you cant stop that overflowing of that good emotion.
Life has taken a whole new meaning in the last few weaks. Somethings taught me how weak I was and how I need to pull up my socks and some things taught me that I am getting there.

This was like a random ramble!
Will post more!

Love
Me...:)

Aah Bugger!

Well an update on how 18th went.
Good first day at work!
Bad day for getting an apartment ..the answer from god and DDA is 'NO'

Feeling rather horrid! Coz I was riding my hopes so high on DDA that I almost forgot that lacs of people had applied for some 16000 flats. :(

Disappointed and Heartbroken
Me :( 

Quick Update!

18th is an important day. Why ?
Well, for  a start .......I join the corporate warfare. I start on monday and am stuck with that MNC (under a legally binding contract) till at least April 30.2013.After that its entirely up to me whether I want to work with them or not.  WOW thats long! And now life will get in a rut. A rut I so despise.

and then on the very same day, the housing draw comes out and on that day either I will have a house of my own or I will not. So fingers crossed for that. I just cannot wait to have my own apartment. I will be totally heartbroken if I dont get it . :(

Love
Me

Mere do Bachon ki maa

I have never posted any spiral video but this one is just AWESOME! and well quite heartfelt by a lot of fellas.....
love
me :) 

From the bottom of my stomach

I am at a point where i can clearly see myself standing in the present. Its like standing on the shared border of two countries, you stand in the middle and can clearly see where you come from and where you are going, only I have not felt this weird in the stomach about what is coming in a very long time. I always thought wow I have so much to look forward to but now I am scared, confused and very very weak in deciding whats best for me and whats the right thing to do for years to come.
I have a job offer that requires me to sign a two year bond. It seems like a small amount of time but I feel so weird getting tied down. What if I dont like it in the first week? I don't want to drudge it for 24 straight months.
I am handling a break up that refuses to breakup in my head. Very difficult situation because it just doesn't go. Some days I think I am there, I am ready to move on and the next day I would feel resentful, angry and hurt all over again. It sounds Menopause-ish.

More to come
Love
Me :/ 

Life is giving me lemons.....

When I was sixteen I had a vision of what my life would look like in mid twenties and there on. Clearly I am not living my vision. The picture is of disappointment. A clear personal disappointment. Disappointment of what I wanted and what I have become.
Me :(
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Sorting out

Apologies for my loooongg absence. Trying to sort out life and that begins by sorting my wardrobe and room. No it isn't a complete mess and generally looks like ( the clean room image). But am sorting my wardrobe so all my clothes are on my bed. Will post pics when I am done.
Love
Me :)
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24

Finally turned 24! It was a greattt greattt birthday and I am now most certain that my year has begun.
Started my birthday with a shot of tequila and a pinch of salt :) sharp at midnight! Lets see how it goes now.

@24
Me

A heartfelt One

To A,
May both our fortunes change for the better.....
Regards,

S 

Top 5 Things

Check out the top 5 Steps of a relationship on the right hand side of the screen. The times of undying love have vanished. Clearly its just a text book concept now. Love does not exist anymore. And how will it exist when commitment phobia, trust issues, mud slinging and accusing-investigating have taken its place.

Me 

Lehmber ne ban jaana tera manmeet ni.....

I have to admit I absolutely love punjabi songs (not the lame ones). I love Lehmber, RDB and Sukhshinder Shinda.....totally love punjabi music. It can be great when you want to dance and it can be awesome when you want to cry.

Sadi Gali from the movie Tanu weds Manu marks the entry of Lehmber Hussainpuri in Bollywood. 

And I totally love the song. It reminds of the time I have spent in UK with my friends, going to punjabi nights in some damn good clubs there. Brits know how to appreciate punjabi music unlike us Pseudo Cool Happening Delhi crowd. We are losers..we can only play chandigarh kare asshiqui in our 'jagmagati' cars instead of playing good punjabi music in good clubs in Delhi. Arghhhh....Hate it!

Me :) 

My hindi movie arsenal

These are my favourite top flicks. Chick flicks or not I dont know but I know that these movies are the movies I watch when I am happy, when I am low, when I am direction-less and when I am motivated.

1. Wake Up Sid
2. Life in a Metro
3. Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi 
4. Salaam Namaste
5. Jab We Met 
6. Love Aaj Kal 
7. Break Ke Baad
8. and now after a couple of months there is finally an addition to the list: Yeh Saali Zindagi. 

These are the hindi films I love and watch whenever I get time. Wake Up Sid is probably the favourite. I hope I get two more good films to make it my top 10 list of favourite hindi movies. 

Love 

Me :) 

A cunning basturd called Mind....

I m just thinking out textually right now. Can we condition our minds to think a certain way? Can we condition our mind to think only about certain things and to not think about people? Can we? Can we tell our mind that it cannot afford to fuck around with us anymore? Can we tell our mind to stop fooling around with certain emotions? Can we tell it to focus on what SHOULD be the priority instead of what it makes to be the priority? Can we?
Mind is a cunning basturd. A very cunning basturd. For if it wasn't the world would be devoid of some intense trouble. I wish....I only wish my mind wasn't such a big basturd. That it would listen to me when I try to teach it how NOT to think about certain things. It is not a battle with the world anymore. It is a battle with this cunning basturd. And I tell you people ....I think I am gonna win. *WINK*

Me 

ek chutki mein

It takes 23 years to build values that you believe in, the values that work for you, the values that you work for. Not values that your parents try to teach you or your education teaches you. The Values that your experience and knowledge teach you. And it takes a snap of a finger to forget about them. 

It takes one twisted relationship to teach you that love is only a word without any meaning. 

It takes one ditch of a friend to teach you that you cannot trust anyone but yourself. 

It takes one bitch of a boss to teach you that success does not come easy. 

And it takes 2 minutes to realize that you if you want to be happy you should think about your happiness and not expect to be happy in somebody else's happiness, for in essence IT IS SOMEBODY ELSE's happiness. You want to be happy ...think about yourself first, middle and last. Just your SELF! for that's the only thing that will stay with you till the end.

Me 

Problem

Ishq ka ek problem hai..agar ek ki lagi toh doosre ki toh lagni hai ...Naturally!

Hair there everywhere :) Its all about a haircut

A haircut means much more than just chopping of hair. Especially if you are having it after a break up. It is the first step of successful moving on. Its like this - just like you need a ring to seal the deal for a commitment you need a haircut to seal the deal for a break up. And well I just did that . How do I look? I think it looks KILLER. Suddenly life feels nice and awesome. I think that's because my birthday month has started.

Also , I am watching one of my all time favourite films - Wake Up Sid. I love this movie and every time I watch it I want to just move in an apartment by myself .....ohhh when will the day come.

love
me :)

It's complicated

Its been like forever since I posted something on the blog. A lot has happened since this year started. So far everything has been going pretty ok but somethings have complicated even further.  An ex decided to make his way back into my life (not with success though) and this is not just any ex this is the most complicated ex ever. His name or call or even a slight reference still provokes heart wrenching thoughts. I don't like this and I certainly will not be party to this but this has made me think hard about the relationship I am in. I cannot always be the girl who makes the guy perfect for a next one. I cannot always do this. I need and totally need ridiculous, maddening, irritating and indulgent love, where you cannot think about anything but that one person and VICE VERSA. (Very important)......I just dont feel like writing but nevertheless I will post this.

Welcome 2011

Finally the first post of 2011. I am welcoming 2011 on my blog with a different theme. A Pink Theme :)
The year has started rather weirdly. Details ...umm maybe later. For now I am too excited because technically the first week of this year starts today. So I have lots to do now. I will get back with more meaningful posts a little later. For now- A very happy new year.

Love
Me :)

The last post of 2010

Okey people... Officially the last post of this year. I am on my way to meet friends to begin the new year celebrations (I still don't have a clear idea about what we are doing this evening). This year I am grateful for blackberry for this mobility of blogging from a metro rail :-). Also I am grateful to god for giving me the crappiest hardships this year because if it isn't for those I would have not known my strengths. Thanks to my family and my friends for being an excellent support system. This year I only hope to be a better person. And one humble request: please give warm milk or warm blankets to the under privileged people on the streets especially old people and puppies. And most importanly LOVE YOURSELF PEOPLE.For its only then that you can love anybody else. Mwahhhxxx
See you in 2011 ;-)
Love
Me :)
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Planner pictures!

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The resolutions business.

So here it is my list of new year 2011 resolutions. I am big enough to now follow them seriously so I really hope I am able to do it this time. I am not going to put stupid resolutions like weight loss , quit drinking etc because I am going to deal with bigger agendas.
So here it goes:

1. Temper Control: My biggest problem in life. I will work on my temper this year and I will control it to the maximum. I have to be a better person from within to be able to do that. So I hope to work hard on it and achieve it. 
2. Be a more private person. This one is also very important since I am usually very open about what I feel about things and people which mostly lands me in trouble. I need to be very conscious with my words and also I need to keep my emotions in check . I need to listen more and talk less. 
3. Pray. I really need to pray and meditate this year to be able to achieve both of the above resolutions. 

Thats it. These are my three simple to look at yet difficult to achieve resolutions for this year. 

I hope we are all able to stick to our resolutions. 

Love 

Me :) 

This one is for my Mum! xx (A very small note)

At 23 (turning 24) you have very little to say about your parents whilst a lot to say about your friends. I want to take a moment and write some things about my mother whom I very dearly love. Although in my adolescence much like a lot of people around the globe I never used to get along with her as much as I should have,  but now when I am in my twenties I can totally relate to her and I totally get along with her (touchwood) She is a very understanding mother. Actually not just an understanding mother but in general an understanding person, I think it stems from the fact that she is a Doctor and she needs to counsel a lot of people but whatever it is, I am so very lucky to have her as my mother. Sharing everything from the daily depressions (he he ) to boyfriend woes I can talk to her about everything. She gives me advice that is not only practical but also sane with reference to my age group. Of course she has her motherly wisdom to impart as well :) but mostly she gives me advice as a peer and I genuinely seek her advice more than I seek advice from my friends.
We both have similar values as far as major things in life are concerned which is also why I think I relate to her in so many ways. If only I can get her calibre in terms of investment and money matters I think I will be really sorted in life.
I love you Mum! TOTALLY MADLY DEEPLY
(And I dont need mother's day to say this)
Love
Me :)

Yay a New Year is coming!!!

I am so happy a new year is coming. 2011. I think it is going to be my year. (I know I have said it enough times) Finally the feeling is setting in because its Monday today and this Saturday it will be a new year. OMG I have never been so excited about any year as much as I am about 2011. I look forward to my 24th birthday. This year for me is the do or die year. I have to make that house dream possible, I have to put a foundation stone for my career in public relations. A big touchwood. Big fingers crossed.
So finally I have brought a 2011 diary. It is a really pretty multicoloured patterned diary which I picked up from Staples just this afternoon. And I have already started filling it up with birthdays, anniversaries and things I need to do next week. It has a page for a day system which will make it very easy for me to maintain my daily to-do lists and personal notes. The fact that it is a very pretty diary makes me happy. Also it is not a kind of a diary that you can get bored looking at. I will post a picture soon.I am too lazy right now.
Also I am going to be posting soon about my new year resolutions and certain pledges that I take for this year and so on. I hope you are looking forward to the year as much as I am.

Love
Me :)

New Year Dilemma

My new year plans are haywire. What to do? Initial plan was that I will go to Himachal with Mr.Big and now my mother has thrown a googly. She says that if I go to Himachal, then I will have to stay with my maternal grandmother and if I do that then I wont be able to step out at night which clearly means NO New Year Eve dinner or party or whatever. Oh God! Save me from the trouble. If Big and I dont go to Himachal then we dont have any plan so far for Delhi....
My ideal plan for new year if we stick to Delhi (He hates the plan)
Stay at home, order chinese, drink good wine and watch god father and cozy up <3 <3. How difficult is that? Quite peaceful new year eve. Aaah I wish....

Any Suggestions??
Love
Me :)

Merry Christmas xx

Merry Christmas people. I hope Santa gets you lots of happiness like he got me what I wanted. Yeah Yeah Santa heard me. After spending hours and hours watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas songs in his honor he finally bestowed upon the happiness that I asked for (I am so cheezy). A clear example of that is the fact that I am writing this blog post from Mr.Big's place he he ....Cant wait for him to move into his new place :D
Apart from that, I am looking forward to spend this new year eve in Dharamshala-Himachal Pradesh. Lets see how that works out.(not that I am a big fan of the hills but Dharamshal can be quite charming in winters)  Keeping my fingers crossed. That's all I need to feel super happy to bring in 2011 which I am convinced will be MY YEAR he he .
More to come.



Love
Me :o)

One Step Ahead.....xx

Yay I am finally happy. My housing form got submitted. Now only waiting for April 24th and keeping my fingers crossed. Also I realized there is only a certain number of tears a girl has for the guy she loves. I have exhausted my limit. I realized he broke up with me for an entirely different reason than what I thought and if that is the reason then I must just forgive and forget. So no more break up rona dhona.....
I am looking forward to spending the New Year at my holiday home in himachal (not a big fan but whatevaaaa) ...I want lots of trekking....Yay I lost 4 kgs in 2 weeks (unhealthy but awesome) and I have this lovely book that a friend has kindly loaned for me to read on the short little trip. La La La

Also a little update on the job front......All Set! ...*wink wink*

Love
Me :)

Daddy's Good girl

I miss being Daddy's good girl. I altered the rules, I was a rebel but he made peace in my happiness and look what happened ...the man I changed all my rules for dumped me in the worst way possible. Who Does that? Who dumps a person at 6 in the morning on some random street with a round of choicest words? Who Does that?  And I am not one of those egoistic bitches who will claim that 'Oh I dumped him' No I did not. He did. (Even if this puts me in guilt inducing shame)
So I think my freedom no more lies in being available in the evening for parties.
Major rules for now:

Self imposed curfew at 7 P.M
No Alcohol EVER. Swear on my sister and cross my heart. NO MORE.

xoxo
Me :*(

P.S.....By no means am I suggesting that he asked me to break those rules. He never asked me to do anything wrong. And even though I shouldn't be saying good things about him but I WILL NOT LIE. I got those rules amended at home because I wanted to do that even if I wanted to do it for him ..that was a personal choice he cannot be blamed for.

Stuff I look forward to in 2011

December is almost coming to an end and this is the perfect time to put together a list of things I look forward to in 2011 or the new year so to say. So here it is 

1. My Apartment. The Most of important of them all. I have been going on and on about getting an apartment and I know that 2011 is going to be a kickass year for that. Hopefully by summer I will have an apartment and I will get to set it up according to my own taste and style. The months for this goal are probably from April till June. A BIG YAY. Fingers crossed xx 
2. I want to change my phone and I am pretty sure it is going to be one of the blackberry models because I cannot live without blackberry. I really want a new phone because I have always gotten Hand-Me Downs Blackberry phones from my brother so this time I am going to get one for myself BRAND NEW. But I don't see this happening till Diwali 2011 and I am going to make sure the current phone of mine lasts a year at least. So technically the month for this goal is October. 
3. I am going to finally change my laptop and get a MacBook Pro. I have always wanted one of those babies and I am going to save for this one and get it in December. That is when Kanchu and Pulkit come back to India for their annual vacation so I am really hoping to send them the money and get this awesome thing. So the month for this goal is December 2011. 
4. Working: I look forward to working again! And making money again. Actually this one should be the most important since if I don't work I wont have money to sponsor any of the things mentioned above. 
5.  Maybe Just Maybe I will be able to earn my first Louise Vuitton Speedy 35. But this is a big Maybe and I might or might not be able to save for this one but then YOU NEVER KNOW. Actually as I think of it I am pretty sure this wont happen because I have so many other expenses like home stuff, macbook pro and phone and some other stuff. 

Ok Thats It ! These are the things I look forward to. 

P.S I know this is highly ambitious of me but then WTH its my life and I can dream and plan. 

Love

Me :)

Isn't it lovely

I saw this at a Home Decor Store in Select City walk and totally loved the idea. (P.S. I mean the Diwan Style Sofa with curtain and not the table decor at the right :-p )  

I am totally crazy about setting up an apartment for myself and I am really hoping I will get to do that in 2011. Which is also why I am so looking forward to 2011. And I am so obsessed with the idea of setting up my own house that I keep collecting decor information and pictures to help me when I actually get to do it hopefully this summer. Although if everything goes as planned and as per my preference I will be getting a one bedroom apartment (With bath, kitchen, closet and balcony he he ) But it could be anything from 1 bedroom to 3 bedrooms depending on the locality my mother thinks is best for me. He He :-) 

Actually, talking about 2011 has given me the idea of putting up a post on the 'Things I look forward to in 2011) Let me do it NOW!

P.S : This post might seem like a rant because I am actually typing it from my phone.

Love

Me :-) 

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Breaking Up is Hard to do.......

DAY 2

Typically you’d think that if you were going to write about your breakup, it’d start with day one.  However, day one of my breakup was spent sobbing in the shower and playing Howie Day's "Collide" over and over in my car and at home so I was a bit incapacitated, needless to say. 

Technically, this is really like day 8 since the previous week was spent fervently denying this breakup was actually happening in the first place. Regardless. Since stalking and being in a relationship by yourself is generally frowned upon and yes, quite pathetic, I guess I have no choice but to try to find a way to move on.

Around 2 days back my relationship to the guy I was convinced was THE ONE, MR.BIG and everything a girl dreams of ended. I would love to say that our time together was pure and blissful heaven on Earth, but that would be a lie.  In reality, it was more a mixture of heaven and hell with hell increasingly butting into heaven’s time as the months progressed. But throughout it all, this man became my advice giver, my confidante,my joke supplier, my biggest critic, and my biggest supporter.He was an ear I could turn to. I learned to love Delhi with him. Through the good and the bad times, he became my best friend. And I miss him like hell.

I know I’m not alone here. We’ve all been in love and lost love and said we were never going to fall in love again then did it anyways.  We play the cycle out over and over everyday. But no matter how many times we do it, breaking up sucks. Plain and simple.

The reason I am writing about this is because I always need to vent. More and More! I am rally hoping I will not turn this blog into a break up blog. This is about me for God Sake. 

As a Side Note: 

I did it. And I’m so not proud. I regret to report that last evening at approximately 10:28 P.M , I sent the cringe-inducing “drunk text” to the ex. Unfortunately for my pride, I was stone cold sober.

Me :(

Adios Facebook!

There is more than one reason why I finally decided to quit facebook. For starts I probably had too many people on it and I did not want to deal with their question regarding my personal life-in short : whether I have broken up with my guy (they don't even know the name of the guy or whether there is any such relationship at all) But sad status messages often act as starting points for conversations with long lost friends or just random people who you add because you were in the same school or college.
Secondly, I did not want to look at my boyfriend's profile on facebook again and again. I am not the kind of person who stalks people on facebook which is why I thought it was disturbing behaviour on my part and decided to do something about it.
Also, I felt that I have had too much of that social networking site. It wasn't offering anything new and somehow the state of ennui prevailed.

So Bye Bye facebook. My journey with you was a good one but its time to let you go.

Love
Me :(

It just ended in a blink

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus and Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
You have a life, you fall in love , you make plans , you have fantasies and none of them involve all of them ending in a blink of an eye. One just doesn't cut somebody out of there lives. A  person doesn’t do that, not without a little hesitation. I’m entitled to a little uncertainty here. Just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I am entitled to at least one moment of painful doubt and a little understanding.


:*( </3 
Me 

All that a girl asks for is ....

Why have we suddenly become so modern that we have forgotten all about some sweet old values. Men expect their girlfriends to stand beside them through thick and thin but forget all about giving them respect and attention when it comes down to good times. 

I have guy friends who go on and on about how difficult it is to get a nice girl but do they treat their women good when they actually get one. The girl would go to extremes to ensure the comfort and happiness of the guy but he on the other would not even stand up to someone showing disrespect towards his girl. What happened to the old world values of standing up for your woman. Women are expected to be loyal, loving and caring but men are expected to do nothing. They have all the time in the world for a beer and play station but they don't have time to take the girl to help her run some errands never mind that she would bend backwards to accommodate your plans. A girl will probably be able to live without love but not without respect.

All that a girl asks for is ....Respect! 

Dreaming of Bugs

Something rather weird happened (it has happened before but not to this extent) when I slept over at Saumya's place. I had a dream that I brought a plastic spidery bug and it suddenly comes to life and I run here and there (it was big) and the next thing is, I suddenly get up on the bed and sit down and start saying 'shit shit shit'. Saumya was sleeping next to me and she woke up (thankfully she did not freak out herself) and calmed me down at which point i woke up. I was sitting on the bed and was still in my dream. This is weird. The next morning I and Saumya dissected what happened last night to the core. We decided it best to blame the drinks I had at the party for the 'Episode'.
I tried looking up what it means to see insects in your dreams.

To see insects in your dream, signify minor obstacles that you must overcome. There are small problems and annoyances that need to be dealt with. You feel that you are under attack. Or something or someone may be "bugging" or pestering you. Alternatively, insects are symbolic of precision, alertness, and sensitivity. You may need to organize your thoughts and sort out your values. Sometimes they are seen as divine messengers.

This is the one that the most reliable dream dictionary suggested. I dont know how much of it is true but yes there are issues that need to be dealt with because they are becoming obstacles.

Dreaming
me :)

125 Miles of a party, few drinks, a sleep-over and a break-up!

These 125 miles were covered in my lovely little silver Wagon R. A car I have come to love so deeply for it holds secrets, emergency make up kits, clothes and shoes stashed after sleep overs with my girls.....
It all started on Monday morning, I had to go pick up the fourth member of my girlie jing bang. Yes! Neha was coming back from England- for good. I and Shruti picked her up from the airport and we three headed to Select City Walk in Saket to grab lunch and meet Saumya. The Jing Bang was complete. The lunch had everything needed to make it a hit. Monday afternoon was full of humour, below the belt jokes, shrewd sarcasm, heavy duty bitching, some discussion on certain disappointments and passable food. (The food court sucks and our next destination is The Hard Rock Cafe) Later that evening I met Kanchu and Pulkit. YES! They finally made it to India and we met. It was a lovely evening, some lip smacking food and lots of catching up. Oh what catching up it was *wink wink*.
Slept around 3:30 in the morning (crashed at Pulkit's place). Had to wake up at 7 in the morning to drop the two of them at the airport as they were headed towards Kanchu's hometown. Once that was done...I was back at home planning the rest of my day. Did not get to catch up on sleep at all. I had to attend a party that evening- Aman's Birthday Party. I left home to run some errands ot some n my way to Saket where I had to drop off some stuff at a relative's place. From there I headed to Saumya's place , got ready while discussing some important stuff with her. Once I reached the party I knew it was going to be a memorable night! I couldnt explain the nostalgia but it was at Aman's Birthday Party last year that I had met  'AM' (I am going to stick to no names) It had been a memorable year. Last year I met him as Aman's friend this year I was going to that party as his girlfriend. Only to realize that this would be the day we would break up. Yes its official. We are no more together. There are reasons to it that are inexplicable.Its not who left who...its love that left us.
The whole day yesterday was spent crying at the drop of the hat. I cried while watching 'How I met your mother' So now you can imagine. I dont know how to deal with this break up.But this time i am going to try the hardest to move on. This one is legendary.
I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the abscence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I'm going to die today. At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we are made. So you can waste your lives drawing line. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.

Me :*(

Joey rules over me!!

As the title suggests my little baby...my pet boxer Joey is the king of my house. I was about to leave him alone at home which is something we don't do often. I had to take him for an extra round of walk, give him bribe treats, fill his pot with water, keep his stuff toys on my duvet because that's where he likes to lie down. The boy is pampered like anything. Like normal dogs he doesn't sleep on his own bed rather he sleeps on our beds with our pillows and duvet. Thankfully he always smells good thanks to his dog cologne so we don't have any foul smells in our duvet.
I have left my place and am on my way to get some work done and all I can do is think what he would be doing. I think I should stop because I seem to be obsessed with my dog.
Love
Me:)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Top 10 Things I do on the internet

1. Social Networking : Facebook-ing to be precise. The very first page I open when i open any browser is http://www.facebook.com/. Apart from Facebooking I am into twitter and blogging. (As you can see)

2. Dream Interpretation: Every day without fail I go to dream interpretation dictionary sites and try to interpret my dreams. :D I believe they have a hidden meaning. (Stop Laughing)

3. Resumes and Cover Letters: These days I have been looking for samples of resumes and cover letter and PR Portfolios of other people in order to make mine.

4. Youtube: I am always looking at funny videos and listening to songs on facebooks (NO I dont look for Karaoke Videos ) http://www.youtube.com/

5.XKCD : A webcomic about Romance, Sarcasm, Math and Language.(http://www.xkcd.com/) I am geekier than you thought. Also sometimes I look at The Oatmeal. (http://theoatmeal.com/). (Another cartoon/comic blog/website)

6. Read the Newspaper: I got to The Times of India Website to get news. I am not really a big news-PAPER person any longer but I think its temperory but nothing beats the thrill of reading news online considering i dont have to handle big pages and can skim through just what I like.

7. Chatting: Catching up with friends on Gtalk and Skype! Needs no explanation. I hate Yahoo and MSN so a big NO.

8. Virtual Window Shopping: How could I miss this one. I go on Macys, Amazon, some brand websites to keep on my window shopping. (ironic ...I have windows installed on my computers..LAME I know)

9.  Reading Blogs: By others. Currently I am addicted to http://chonweddingjournal.blogspot.com/ Its not about the wedding as much as it is about her setting up a new house, the buying and the decor. I love her house.

10. Watching Soaps and Movies: Last but not the least. Infact one of the most important ones. I watch grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl and How I met you mother amongst others on (http://www.cucirca.com/). As we all know in India we are usually 2 seasons behind than in US or UK so this is a great website to keep up to date with latest episodes. As far as Movies are concerned all I do is search for the movie on http://www.megavideo.com/ YES I HAVE A MEMBERSHIP...YAY...lets me watch high quality videos and that too unlimited.


Online
Me :)