Courage..more than anything else!

When I met Big, I thought this is it...I have met the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Now that...did not happen. We broke up and it has been some time now. A friend always told me that you should evaluate atleast 30 days after the break up whether you loved the man or not. I was not planning to take this advise seriously up until this morning (noon actually)

How do you know that you actually love someone? When you think of them more often than you think about anything else? or When you want to dress up for them? or When you want to spend all your time with them? or is it When you want to see the other person happy even if it comes at the cost of your happiness. I always thought these things were not practical. These things dont happen to normal people. I am not going to make any tall claims that these things happened to me, however, I did feel that his happiness mattered more to me than my own, especially so in the last days of our relationship - I sometimes felt bad that it did not happen earlier because had it happened earlier we would have been together - but what's happened has happened and it has happened for a larger good.

So this is how it worked for me - When I started roaming the mens wear aisles more than women's shoes section I knew I must really be in love with Big! As shallow as I sound right now but this is exactly how I got the feeling!

And this afternoon, I was trying to talk Big into seeing this other girl (Let's call her Bee). That very moment I knew two things -
1. I really do love him - more than myself or my need to be with him!
2. I have completely given up the idea of us being together.

I am a very possessive person. I am not some jealous insecure person who would monitor every call or every SMS that my guy gets but I am certainly not open to sharing my guy with someone else. I do not believe in open relationships. So when I heard myself telling him to date Bee...I realized I loved him enough to not think about what I want. It took more courage than I could ever imagine!

I have moved on - but I love him so I want to see him happy. He needs a companion and I can only be a friend.

So, I have let go!

Wishing him lots of luck and love ...

Big: You know I am always there for you! and MISS ME! xx

Bye Bye Big!

Love,
S

Muskuraiye ki aap Lucknow mein hain...

What a trip! I am back from my weekend get away to Lucknow and I miss it already.
So here's what my trip was like  -

We had taken a Shatabdi to Lucknow, so the travel was OK. Yes, just OK. No matter how fast a train runs, as long as people will not have basic toilet etiquettes there will be no joy in travelling in Indian trains.  I wonder why they do not have an attendant who can clean after the people are done. Well that's how it works in India since you cannot teach them basic toilet ettiquettes - just pay a person to clean after them. What a shame! I even suggested having a challan for everyone who does not clean after they are done. The idea was to have a toilet inspector stand outside and every time a person walks out after using the toilet the inspector should inspect the toilet and for all those jerks who dont clean up there should be a Rs. 500 challan. :D :D :D

And then I wanted to slap the railway minister for making the quality of the food go from just ok to really really horrible. I don't know what's wrong with Mamta Banerjee..... I think Lalu Yadav was a better railway minister. The food used to be of good quality. Railways was actually making profit under him (yes, it's very surprising but true)

Nevertheless, this trip was such a memorable one that I want to go back to lucknow again and again. (hopefully soon). The food is to die for. On the first day of the trip, We had Basket chaat at Royal cafe. It indeed is a delicacy. Uptil now I thought Delhi was the best in Chaat but Lucknow is not far behind and their chaat sure won my heart.We then had kebab parantha at Dastarkhan - Nothing extraordinary but yes it was good! The second day started with Dahi Jalebi (mindblowing). There is something about the combination - jalebi and plain dahi. I loved it so much that I am going to try it in Delhi too :D. We then went sight seeing - the usuals - Lucknow Bhool Bhulaiya, Bada Imambada, Baoli etc. Just seeing these places makes me think about the foresight and precision that these architects had at that time.

We then had Malai Makhan (an indianized version of Whipped Cream) at Chowk Bazaar. It was divine. Just heavenly yet not heavy :D :D. Later in the day we finally had biryani from Idris (World famous Biryani according to Lucknow residents lol) Rs. 60 for a plate of divine bliss. I could see them cook the kebabs on sigri. The taste and the juices of mutton just flowed in my mouth. Not surprisingly the food was giving orgasmic pleasures :D :D

Lucknow is a mecca when it comes to food and hospitality. I think once in a lifetime people should go and see this small city bustling with people, rickshaws and food vendors.

As far as the shopping is concerned, I shopped like there is no tomorrow. I shopped from the famous Chowk Bazaar, Aminabad and Kapoorthala. Everywhere I went I just shopped. I am not surprised though, since Chikan Kari is one of my favourite kinds of textile work.

All in all it was a good trip. And I cannot end this post without Thanking Neha's family for their extraordinary hospitality. Thanks so much for having us over!

Love
S

P.S. I will post pictuires of the food and shops soon!

Movies I want to watch soon....

I want to watch the following movies (some I have already seen, some I haven't)
So in no order of preference here's my list....

1. Inception
2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
3. Black Swan
4. The Holiday
5. The Brothers Bloom
6. The Dark Knight
7. Revolutionary Road
8. Law Abiding Citizen
9. Into the Wild
10. The Shawshank Redemption
11. Saving Private Ryan
12. The Green Mile
13. The Blood Diamond
14. Inglorious Basterds
15. Kill Bill

Quick Update - Travel Plans

Hey there!

I am so lazy in writing a post. Every single day I log in and contemplate writing but just end up procastinating and log out. Finally, today I got myself to write this short update on my upcoming travel plans.

So in the last six months I travelled to Kashmir, Agra and Jaipur. Those were good trips and happy memories.

As of now, I am off to Lucknow this weekend - lots of good food and maybe some shopping(why maybe? because as you know I am in a perpetual state of NO Money- I don't know where it goes)

Then, next month I am taking a long weekend off to go to Kota in Rajasthan for a close friend's wedding and to maybe shop a little (Read: Kota Silk Sarees)

In February I am planning a weekend get-away to Amristsar. I have never seen the Golden Temple and Wagah Border so this trip will take care of that. This trip is most likely to happen in the first weekend of February. Soon after Amritsar I will be off to Calcutta (I refuse to acknowledge iconic cities by their new boring names) and Puri to spend time with Kanchu and travel around. I am really looking forward to that trip. This is also my birthday month and I am turning 25. YAY! That obviously deserves a separate post altogether.

March will be a period of work and tax deductions so no travel plans.In April I will make a weekend trip to either Rishikesh or Ajmer.

So that's all. This was a short update on Quarter 1-2012 travel.

Also, since I am not very big on clicking pictures I just realized I cannot let all this travel go to a waste by not clicking pictures so yes, I will make the extra effort of carrying the DSLR around. (yes, I hate travelling with big stuff as I like easy breezy travel but I think I should start clicking pictures or I will have no physical memories of any of these awesome trips)


Love,
Me

Emotional Overload and the tale of perpetual Blah-ness!

A dear friend of mine sent me this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html 

As I was reading it I could feel a plethora of emotions. I felt angry because I could associate with it and then I felt happy that I realized all of it before this article came across. This article neither made me entirely sad nor entirely happy. Here's my take on it with reference to my life and the evolution of my thought process *wink*.

I had always dreamt about getting married, while I did not want a big pompous wedding - I did want a wedding. I am fairly ambitious about my career but I could never see it take precedence over getting married or having children. (I could never imagine myself as those 40 year old super successful but single women) Getting married, having kids - those are things that I wanted - sooner than later. When I met Big..I thought this is it...he's the man I want to get married to...I want to have his crazy children *toothy grin* unfortunately for heart’s pride, he did not want the same things. He had different plans, different ideas and a whole different path and those were things I could never understand. I thought working, getting married and having children was the logical conclusion to a person's life. He on the other hand wanted certain accomplishments under his belt before he could give away his independence to the full time responsibility called marriage. I used to get frustrated when he called it a responsibility because I used to think - well I earn so how will I be a burden. That’s where I went wrong - responsibility does not have to mean burden. It certainly did not mean a burden for Big who, I must say, is a very progressive man. Men and women think differently – we all know it. But did I understand it till now – NO! I thought marriage was a whole new life and a lot of independence. Big thinks it’s a responsibility – towards another person, another family 24 X 7 and rightly so.

I was in a state of emotional overload since the past couple of months. I very recently identified the reason. So here it goes - I have always been a planning person. I plan things and more times than not I am able to successfully carry out the plan I make. Whether it is a small thing like making a to-do list every morning when I get to work or whether it is a big thing like planning a trip, an investment or anything – I plan and I like to stick to plans. So, coming back to the point of emotional overload – I planned my twenties in a certain way. I wanted to be married by 25 and have kids by 30, so when I saw that it was not happening, I felt a sense of failure - a failure which kept sticking to my face and made me highly resentful. That anger, frustration and resentment reflected rather lowly on my personal relationships. I fought and fought with Big. Now I look back at it and think – even I would not want to marry me if that’s who I had become.

And then something happened…I do not want to get into the details of what happened but the outcome was that I realized that getting married is NOT the logical conclusion to my life. I realized that there is something called a Plan B. I realized that failure can lead to success if and only if taken positively. I realized that in order for two people to be happily married to each other they both HAVE to want the same things as far as marriage is concerned even if they choose to take different paths to reach the final point and finally I realized that life is indeed to too short to be an angry resentful person and that only I am responsible for my own happiness - if I can’t give it to myself I won’t be able to give it to anyone.

So here are my comments on that article – point by point :

1.       You’re a bitch – Yes Indeed, I have been a bitch. I have been so angry that it surprises me. I used to be such a happy and cheerful person and since the last year or so that person was just lost. I am glad I am getting my mojo back :D

2.       You’re Shallow – Now THAT I am not! I fall for character which is what explains sticking around with Big for so long despite the tumultuous  rollercoaster ride of a relationship. Well, the article points out that, Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit. I know big will find it debatable – so I won’t get into it.

3.       You’re a slut – Nope…Not me! No fling, no sleeping around.

4.       You’re a liar – I did not lie but yeah I should have told Big in the beginning that I am looking for something really long terms and serious. (Not that he flirted with me or wanted a fling – but yes I should have told him how much a commitment mattered for me)

5.       You’re selfish – not at all…well not that much! :D

6.       You’re not good enough – well I thought that for the longest time with Big. But now, I feel like I am patching myself up and getting more in sync with myself. I get attention from men :D and I like it but not to the point where I would do anything about it. I have just recently become single and I’d like to keep it for a long time now. My ability in choosing the wrong partner is by now…legendary. I’d like to delve deeper in perspective before I even date anyone. Till then – as my friend sahiba says ‘ Be single and enjoy the attention’.

A small note to my friends - (and belive me it took me two days to decide that I should publish it)

I know you all really love me and I also know that everytime you saw me cry you hated Big even more. I am glad I have such good friends who feel joy in my joy and sorrow in my sorrow. But for once I will tell you what it looks like - I always told you what he did not do, how he did not want to commit, how he never made plans. I cried and I cried and you felt horrible about me being in this relationship. Tell me - if you were in a relationship with me - a perpetual whiner and a nag queen would you want to commit. That's who I had become. I should have taken the alternate route of trying to reason it out with him - but I always just fought. I cannot believe I am writing this but here it goes- I am glad he did not lie to me and tell me he loves me everyday. I am glad he did not give me a shallow commitment he could not have stuck to. I am glad I am 24 and I finally have some sense stuffed into my brain.

I want you all to know - he wants different things in life. He wants things at certain times and in a certain way just like we all do - just because it does not go with our scheme of things does not mean he is a baddie. He is a good guy. He does charity cases for poor people. He respects people no matter whether it is the parking guy, the domestic help or a big bureaucrat.

No matter how much we fought when at his place - he always made sure I ate well and never left empty stomach. He never ever ever disrespected me in front of his friends. He was always very polite and helpful to my family even if my brother called him exactly 5 minutes after we had a massive fight.

Yes, he has some flaws too. But we all have them.

We are no more together and do not see us having a future either but we will be friends and I am glad we were able to come to an amicable solution.

I’ll end this loooongg and I know rather boring post by quoting Tracy McMillian from that article

"The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along".

Love - Ing

Me :)

Euphoria

This is one of those days when no matter what happens..nothing can take away your happiness. I am a happy person today. Suddenly the sorrows of life don't seem as magnanimous. I am sitting in a room full of people yet my thoughts are wandering into what I can call.. A state of euphoria. And I am so proud to say that my happiness is not because of a man. It's because of my work. My work is my man... My marriage and my life! Going to work everyday and loving every minute if it...can do wonders to your well-being.
Will write more... Very soon... For now my glass of scotch is waiting ... Tada!
Love
S
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

O Tequila

Some things in life taste best with a shot of tequila and a pinch of salt and the famous saying... This too shall pass! Recovering from my last heart break... This has to be legendary - so the bottle of tequila will meet its end tonight! Finally .. I take a bow from the famous Big's chapter
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

The Exquisite Pain!

Same Boat ...Similar Passenger

*tears*

Password!

Just a quick update! I am now making the blog - a password protected site! If you visit it and it prompts you for a password - put in the password - shengo (case sensitive so all lower case letters).

Thanks for you patience and this was the last email post!!!

Love
Me :/
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

No more emails

Ok! So I am taking off the mailing list for this blog. This means none of you will be getting these posts in your email any longer. If you wish to still continue reading the blog then you must visit missmotormouth.blogspot.com.
The reason I am deleting the mailing list is because I am continuously dealing with difficulties in my personal life and I realised that in order for me to overcome those difficulties and truly stick to my decision of being alone and to truly move on I must release any negative energy I face at any time of the day ...by simply writing.
I might write early in the morning or late at night or middle of the afternoon and I do know that almost all of you get your emails on your phone and I would hate it if you had to read something negative early in the morning. This way you have the choice to visit the blog whenever you like and I also get to use it as a coping mechanism without deliberately spreading negativity in your otherwise normal day.
Thanks a lot for being a good audience so far and I hope you visit the blog as and when you like! I hope to eventually put up the mailing list again when I am back in a normal frame of mind!

Thanks!
Me :(
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

I have to keep up

The efforts of trying to move on... I succeed on some days.. And then I slip drastically on some days... But really just have to keep going with my efforts in forgetting, forgiving and moving on. Met all my relatives on Friday .. Yeah literally all of them from both my father and my mother's side.. And the joy on their faces when I told them I am ready to marry any guy of their choice .. Was unbelievable. And since then the process has started .. Of sending emails with bios and pics.. The calls for confirmation that I am looking at them. It's been crazy! I am kind of liking it. You can pick and choose what you want and then wait for one of your choices to choose you.. Funny ain't it. Meeting two of them sometime this week. Lol I'll keep u posted.

Love
:)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

End of Slavery

So last night was literally my last night of crazy hours. No more! From Monday I am permanently into human hours lol 10-6 or 12-8 whichever I please. Aahhh Bless!!

One hurdle crossed!

xoxo
Me :)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Happy Diwali

Wishing all of u a very happy and prosperous diwali. I have hardly been blogging but I promise to get back this week. Till then enjoy, be safe and love thy self!

xoxo
Motormouth
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

somethings are not always true.......

I've learned that saying: "love conquers all" isn't always true.
I've learned that hope can rob you of time.
I've learned to acknowledge red flags much sooner and trust my gut more.
I've learned not to let the physical side of a relationship cloud my judgement.
I've learned that being single does not necessarily mean that one is "alone".
I've learned that I'm a much stronger person than I thought ...............

Top 5 reasons why getting married rocks!

#5: best friend + partner in crime + mentor + companion + boyfriend + shoulder to cry on + confidante + grocery shopper + chauffeur + heavy lifter + jar opener + life partner + baby maker + tax break + bed-sharer + cheerleader + travelling companion + personal chef + court jester + pillow + handyman + nurse + a sympathetic ear + honest opinion = husband

#4: There is nothing more romantic than the man you love standing up in front of God and everybody to say, I love you, and today I commit myself, my heart, my body and my life to you for the rest of our days.

#3: Marriage is the start of building a life, a home and a family together.  Everything becomes more affordable when there's two people working toward the same thing.

#2: It is the closest thing a girl can get to a gaurantee that she will always have someone by her side in this crazy, upside down world of ours.

#1: We are just better together than we are apart.

Off to Jaipur!!!

As I type this I am on my way to Jaipur for a day trip with work mates! Awesome mausam and badiya gaane! Majaa aavi gayo!

Me :B
*Please excuse grammar and brevity - Sent from BlackBerry®

My problem with Big is….

He is STILL not ready for a commitment. He wants to make this relationship work on his terms. I feel like I’ve lost control over my life (as I sit here waiting for a man to tell me what sort of life, and what sort of relationship, I am to have). I just feel like I should tell him to away, but I love him and the mere thought of being without him leaves with in a tizzy.

I am experiencing something a lot of people must have – hanging around waiting for the other person to call the shots in your relationship. I am trying to keep my ‘anxiety’ under control when actually it’s my intuition trying to tell me what’s going on.

At this point in our relationship there should have been some sort of commitment statement- spoken or unspoken. That’s what should have happened- we should have been ‘melding’ you separate lives together. But unfortunately we don’t think alike.

I now get a feeling that he really doesn’t see me as ‘the one’. But because he cares for me, to a certain extent, he doesn’t want to fully let me go. He’s got me in some sort of a ‘holding zone’ – not quite sure where to take it but not fully committed.  Is that what I really want? No, obviously I don’t.

No matter how I deal with it but I have promised myself that I will deal with it. I need to begin as I mean to go on – with bags of self respect.

Too bad he could not make his mind up in all this time. I will work out my insecurities that stop me from expecting the best treatment.  It does not matter what he thinks. I understand his priorities but I expected the same from him and thought that maybe we could work something out, maybe a middle path. But that happens only when two people are ready not when only one person wants everything from that relationship and other does not seem to have in his scheme of priorities.

Life is too short! And I want to spend it with people who truly value me.

Me xx

Break from Bhasad

Today is not one of my best days. I can certainly do better. I am so stressed and frustrated.

I am so stressed about everything in my personal life. I wonder why equilibrium cannot be maintained between personal and professional life. When personal life looks fine, the professional life goes for a toss. Now, that the professional life is fine and going smooth, the personal life is going for a toss. Why?

Things at home are so bizarre right now that it is absolutely impossible for me to believe that they are happening.  Things with Big are turning uglier day by day. Instead of moving towards a commitment, we are moving away from it. It is so frustrating that it’s unbelievable.

I want a break from everything. I want a break from living with parents and siblings (no offence, I love them and they love me, I just feel like I miss the time I was running my own house) I want a break from someone who can’t commit to me. I want a break from Bhasad.

Amidst a lot of Bhasad.

Me :(

Why don't I write more often?

That's a question I ask myself a lot these days. Work and other commitments have taken away my time to write. Although, I do want to send this post now as I lay in my bed thinking about the current situation in my life. The current situation is that of numbness. I definitely have seen a lot worse. I am not totally unhappy right now which seems like an achievement in itself, however, I am battling some personal demons like anger and bluntness which is a tiring task. Work is going okay, personal life is not bad if not completely satisfying. I need to retrospect on a lot of my underlying habits, bad qualities( are they called qualities) and I need to become a better person.

Will write more!

Morning xx
Me :/
*Please excuse grammar and brevity - Sent from BlackBerry®

My wedding dress!

No, I am not getting married, however, I now have my wedding dress.

I (whenever I get married) will be wearing my mother's wedding saree for more than just sentimental reasons.

1. It's in the perfect shade of red that I wanted.

2. Vintage. (30 years old)

3. Banarasi Silk Saree (Its gorgeous)

4. My mother has a successful married life so Good Omen!

5. and ofcourse its my mother's wedding saree....it has to be mine.

I have never been a fan of the typical lehngas as a wedding attire simply because I feel a saree is far more ageless and graceful. You can wear it more number of times than a lehnga... and most importantly a saree never goes out of fashion.

Over the years my mother has made sure that the Saree was kept in a good condition so it does not need much restoration but I will be sending it for restoration nevetheless. Also I will be getting a nice blouse with it and ofcourse some awesome jewellery.

Yay!

Me

Editorial Calendar and more

I am planning to write a lot more on this blog. So I have come up with a plan for the blog. A weekly plan with fixed days to talk about things I like.

Meticulous Mondays: All things money, all my planning for the house, organizing and de-cluttering etc.

Tangy Tuesdays: Food! Food and more food. Recipes, ingredients and just random food.

Fun Fridays: This might or might not be regular. If I have something fun to tell, it'll basically be categorized under this.

Sorted Sundays: What's happening in my life, whats going on in my mind and what's about to come.

I hope I am able to stick to this schedule. I am making use of an editorial calendar for the same. Let's see how organized I can get. FYI I start this routine on monday.

Love,

Me

Game Plan

I love reading. I love surfing the internet. I love reading on the internet.

I have been reading a lot on how to plan ahead for buying a house. After a lot of reading these are the things that I think are essential components of a game plan for buying a house.

1. Keep your bank statements in perfect order. No bounced checks, no unplanned over drafts, no fines for minimum balance not met etc.
2. Pay your taxes on time and have the ITRs in place. Banks usually check for last three years of ITRs but I am planning to have spotless ITRs for five years when I make my application.
3. Have a stable professional life. Dont switch jobs every year. Banks make reference checks so it is important that you are stable in your job.
4. Don't have other financial burdens. A car can wait if a house is really what you want. Don't have too many financial commitments when planning for a home loan since it will take up major part of your salary every month. You want to be able to buy food at the end of the day.
5. Pre Approval of a loan. Banks allow a window period of six months for you to finalize a property after the loan is approved. Pre approval is a self assurity that you have the necessary funding. When you get a good deal you will not have to waste a lot of time to get the loan which will ensure you don't miss the deal.

One very important thing. India has just started catching up on the concept of credit score. Be a good customer. Pay your utility bills on time. After 2-3 years it will become very important for individuals to have a good credit score to be able to qualify for a home loan at favourable interest rates. So, start now and start smart. Pay your bills on time. Do not get in credit card debt. It is the worst kind of debt with outrageous interest rates and is almost like a vicious cycle.

Love

Me

My 5 Year Goals!

So I have almost reached mid twenties and it's time I really put down my medium term (read 5 year) goals.  
I know that the farther out you look, the harder it is to accurately determine outcomes or set goals, so I take these with a grain of salt. As life happens, and situations change, these will likely need to be updated.

So here is my list of what I want to achieve in the next five years.

1. Buy a house: This one has been on the radar for a long time and I am sure most of you know about it already. I know I cannot do it right away but since I am done with my education, have a stable job and no debt, its safe to say that I can focus on it right now so as to achieve it till my 29th birthday and have it all up and ready by my 30th. Its a goal I think about every single day when I wake up. As I will get more established career wise I guess I will get closer to achieving this. Bear in mind that my getting married and staying in my hubby's den has nothing to do with it. This goal remains to be fulfilled nevertheless. The good part is I am very close to having the down payment ready. Waiting for 2-3 years before I start the process will only give me time to build a good credit history and have a much more stable income for getting a house loan (In india you can get upto 10 times your salary).
2. Build a rainy day fund of Rs. 5,00,000: So this one might sound odd but this practically means a portifolio (not including long term investments or the house) of this much amount which includes both liquidity and short term safe investments. I am pretty sure I will be able to do much more than this because I have a policy maturing in 2014 which will give me more than 60% of this amount just like that. Although, since I have other financial goals I have kept it to a realistic level so that its easier to achieve.
3. Have a stable pension plan: Fewer people my age are focusing on getting a pension plan instead they choosing to have share and stock portfolios. I have a simple funda- don't put your money in something you don't understand. So shares and stocks are not a part of my financial agenda. Not for now atleast. I am looking around for a stable pension plan and I hope to have this one sorted till my 25th birthday next year in feb. What I have in mind for this plan is simple: Should mature on my 60th and give me regular income yet have the option of taking the corpus in lumpsum along with accidental cover.

I think that's pretty much all. These have been there on the radar for a long time only I did not think I was in a stable situation to actually start putting my time, energy and most importantly money on them.

Some of you might think why a car is not on the list. Reasons below:

1. Simply put : Its depriciates.
2. Petrol prices are skyrocketing.
3. Metro and Auto are tolerable.
4. The car my parents gave me might be 5 years old already but it is in perfect working condition (except the shocker :D). Although, I don't use it all that much so I think I am good where I am right now and I don't want to put my money on a car. I might change my mind on that but so far this is what my thoughs are on buying a car.

I would love to hear your opinion on this so please leave a comment or two.

Love
Drama Queen

Silence is silver....

I have realized during these last four weeks that silence can be much more than just being quite. It can make you see things in a different perspective since you are only listening and not processing your own thoughts into speech at the same time.

Listening and only listening can help you see and understand things in a better light. But for someome like me who speaks much before she even listens or thinks, it is a tiring task in itself to keep quite.

I am trying and I see myself succeeding in it and for the first time in years I understand why they say Silence is Golden. Although I think it is silver. It shows your the silver lining in everything.

Silently
Drama Queen

Annual Holiday Destination for 2011: Kashmir

Finally I have decided the destination for my annual vacation in September. I have been taking my annual vacations in September since a long time now, and this year will be no different. This year the destination is Kashmir.

I am thrilled because I have never been to Kashmir. The reason I have chosen Kashmir is because a very close friend of mine ..(You all know Iram...:D) is getting married in September in Srinagar. (Which is fantastic because this meant that I did not have to waste time on deciding the destination for this year. YAY!)

I will have the final dates by Thursday so just keeping my fingers crossed for perfect days and a well planned holiday.

If any of you have been to Kashmir then please leave comments regarding: Places to go, things to do and shopping :D.

FYI: It will be a 7 day long trip.

Thrilled
Drama Queen

For my lovelays!

Just got off a long phone call with Shru. The phone call reminded me of how much I love my girlfriends. How much I can trust them for being with me in times of crisis. So this one is for my girlfriends. Yes all of them....Kanchu, Shruti, Neha, Saumya and Garima. Thanks a LOT for always being there for me.
You guys are my knight in shining whatever LOL!

I can think of a wonderful quote by Lee Iacocca that pretty much sums up my friendship with you guys!

"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life."

 xoxo
Drama Queen

Where's my happy ending?

I have been trying to write this post from the last two hours. And I seem to be so confused about publishing it that I saved it in drafts twice. Never the less, here it goes.....

My mother is visibly upset with me. Reason: I did not attend a very close family friend's daughter's engagement party yesterday evening. Where was I ? Trying to find my own happy ending. Did I get it ? No. Not everybody is lucky in the happy ending department. Why did I stay away from the party? As much as I am happy for Charu (the girl/bride/lucky in the H E Department) I felt that it would be a stab in my chest to see everybody getting a very happy ending with their boyfriends/lovers/partners (whichever you prefer) and I am the only one who is unlucky to be forever trying to work it out with Big (who I am convinced is not bothered even the remotest bit) So i decided to not attend any such party or celebration where I cannot truly be a part of someone's happiness because I am loathing over my own inability to find someone as crazy and bollywoody LOL as I am. I don't want to go to such parties and stand in a corner and sulk over my miseries in the love department. And, NO I am not miss goody two shoes who thinks like Tulsi of some television show, that you should be happy in everybody else's happiness and not even think about yours. Well Tulsi had a husband, she did not have to worry about what to wear on a date, she did not have to worry about whether her boyfriend is taking it as a casual fling or whether he is serious, she did not have to feel sorry for herself when every time her boyfriend knelt it was not to propose but to pick up a pen or any other less-important-than-a-ring object. I am convinced Tulsi never had to deal with a heart wrenching break up where her boyfriend was a bigger commitment phoebe than Godzilla himself. (Any comparison here with a giant monster is purely size based). So I conclude I am not miss goody two shoes.

I feel bad, I feel horrible when I see my facebook page smothered with announcement/engagement/wedding pictures of friends and sometimes juniors from school. Do I want a wedding right now? NO. But I do want someone whom I am convinced I will spend the rest of my life with.

To Conclude:
My ability to choose an inappropriate partner is legendary. I wish I do not pass this to my children.

Not So Much Love
Me :(

A dream I dream.....

                                                                           Source: Chon's

I think almost all of you know how much I want to have my own house one day. Don't get me wrong. I do love my parents and their house but I just think I need to have my own to feel at home. Wow! Did that just rhyme?
Coming to the point, I have had this image saved neatly on my desktop for a very long time now. Everytime I picture myself having a home, I imagine a house like this. This is just an area in a house but it symbolizes me. Let me tell you how....It has an open kitchen plan which a chic' breakfast area (bar stool area) which is exactly what I want to have when I have a home. I want to be able to have an area to cuddle while having a late sunday brunch. I want to be able to cook and serve 'live' lol!
The soothing blue color on the wall is exactly the shade that I want on my walls. Oh how I love this picture. And I can only hope and pray I have a home soon enough to realize my design dream.

Will post more on home...Laterzzz

Dreamy
Me :)

Old Drafts.....I should have published.

I loved him for so long and he has punished me for it. He ended up treating me like someone he owned instead of someone he earned. And it destroyed me.

Happiness is not the most important thing. People don't like sonnets about being compatible or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversations. Great loves are crazy ones. Great Love, for us.....it's complicated, intense, all consuming, no matter what we do, how much we fight it always pulls us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that.

Dear A,

When I asked you forever ago, What are we A.... last winter you said we couldn't be together...and I believed you. But every time I tried to move on, you are right there. Maybe you just want me to be, just as unhappy as you are. And if you want me to be happy, then look down deep into the soul, I know you have. And tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it just a game. If it is real, we'll figure it out. All of it. But if it is not then please just let me go.

Me

They say parting is such sweet sorrow. But wouldn't it be nice if just for once ...it didn't have to be.

Love
Me :) 

ROFL *Holding my Stomach coz it hurts*

# 1...4...5

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Shivani !

1. Shivani will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory!
2. In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as Shivani .
3. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than Shivani .
4. Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Shivani fighting underground.
5. India tested its first nuclear Shivani in 1987.
6. Shivani can squeeze her entire body through a hole the size of her beak.
7. Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of Shivani in your ear 700 times.
8. It's bad luck to whistle near Shivani !
9. You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of Shivani to reach the earth's core!
10. Shivani is actually a mammal, not a fish!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Life: A leap of faith

When Charles Dickens wrote - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" who knew he was talking about my life or more accurately, my mid twenties. I have seen, many a teenagers or young adults, like myself, exclaim at times that life is a roller coaster. Now, I wouldn't completely agree with that because I have not been faced with situations as extreme as a roller coaster ride, however,  to a certain degree I do agree that life is in essence a mix of emotions just like the ones felt while on a roller coaster ride.

When I started blogging, way back in 2007 I started with the idea of maintaining a journal so that I could archive my emotions, sensibilities and thoughts all on one page. As I read through the old posts I see that I have come a long way. I might have faced slumps and I might have experienced some great highs but I  have never ceased to be the person that I always knew I was. I have surprised myself a lot of times, times when I stopped looking forward, times when I questioned my capabilities, times when I questioned my very being, but I am glad to announce I did survive. I survived professional slumps, I survived damaging break ups, I survived living alone for a long period, I survived losing my sister, I survived losing a close one to cancer right in front of my eyes, I survived packing up his life long belongings into one truck load all by myself.  I did survive and this should act as a great example for future reference. We all just survive. What we must not forget is life just moves on. Life is all about living. Just living.

As I look at my life now, I think of this wonderful quote by George Eliot ..."It's never too late to be what you might have been"


xoxo
Drama Queen 

What I learnt from 24 years of life on earth...

This is a comprehensive list of the things I have learnt from life in general including- relationships, dating, girlfriends, campus life...and blah batshit in general. 

1. You cannot please everyone. You just cannot do it. So don't even try it because in your attempts to do so you might not please anyone. Just be practical. Just think what is right at that moment and do that. You might not please anyone at that moment but in doing the right thing you are only making tomorrow a better day to face. 
2. Give yourself 'at least' six months of dating before you leap onto a relationship(I mean,with the same person). This is a big huge lesson and this also happens to be the lesson I never followed until I learnt the hard way.(And why this is an important lesson, requires a separate blog post which I shall soon write) 
3. Chicks before dicks:This rule has no substitute. And I know almost 90% of the girls do otherwise. Don't sideline your girlfriends when you have a boyfriend. Boyfriend (unless straight from heaven) will dump you in the worst possible way (I can't even begin to tell what all batshit people can come up with just to break up) but your girlfriend will stick around even after you have practically broken her favorite Estee Lauder Lipstick. *drum roll for girlfriends* 
4. Never share your assignments with friends (who claim to be your friend and then copy your assignment word by word, knowing very well that plagiarism or collusion can lead to a 'fail' for you.) When in India where plagiarism is a non existential offence ..this rule does not apply. Copy and let others copy. LOL 
5. When you have a touchy relationship with people. (In my case my SIL)...Silence is Golden. Just mind your own business and forget about other's existence and you will be in eternal peace.
6. Dump the guy who cant own being with you, at the first possible opportunity. This needs no explanation. 

I'll post more when I can recollect all of them. But for now these are the important ones. 

Laterzz..

xoxo

Me :) 

Heaven-ly Saturday!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I turned a corner this week and to celebrate my personal achievement or success at moving on I am giving myself a restful weekend. Yes, I am actually not doing anything this weekend. No chores, No going out, No drinking, No fried food and No disturbing thoughts. I have a big smile on my face because my mind is rested. I had a fabulous and peaceful Saturday. I slept through most of it and had lovely heaven like dreams. 

I have always had this vision of what heaven would look like for me. So yes, I do believe in heaven and hell. And to a certain degree I hope and think I will go to heaven. (Self confidence...!!!! :D). So my vision of heaven is somewhat like a song from any Yash Chopra movie shot in scenic Switzerland. Only I am alone in that dream , draped sexily in a satin sheet LOL yes A sheet .....(No there is no reference of any man I might or might not sleep with in heaven - Its just me in a sexily draped sheet LOL) running in a lush green field (It sounds so moronic but it is actually a beautiful sight) and there comes a time when I turn around and just fall freely on the grass (Cushy grass!) on my back and just stare at the clear blue sky. 

Imagine the lovely lush green fields with flowers all around that they show in Yash Chopra movies. Yeah THAT! 

So I dreamt about my vision this afternoon. I never wanted to wake up from that beautiful dream. Only, I am now thinking how many miles I must have ran before I turned around if the dream lasted for 4 hours. PHEW! But it was beautiful. The sky was blue, there were mountains all around and I was draped in a lovely satin sheet (red in this dream) and running in a field full of lush green. Ahhh! Fantasies people have! 

Anyways, so tomorrow the restful weekend plan continues and as crazy as I sound right now but, I am smiling whilst even writing this post. LOL 

Laterzzzz...

xoxo

Me :) 

Emotional Duck-ism

I am an emotional duck.

There is a saying about how ducks and swans are seen to be gliding along the surface of a water body, all smooth, elegant, serence and calm, while underneath, their feet are going rapidly to keep them going.
Yeah, well that's me and my emotional casserole.

I feel like I turned a masive corner this week.These last few weeks, or maybe even this last month has been a hard one but a certain peace and calmness has come over me and a very clear sign of the same, is the fact, that I slept like a log without any disturbing dreams for straight 11 hours! Sound sleep had become a distant dream since a couple of weeks. I could not sleep properly, I could not enjoy food, I could not enjoy just being in my skin. Something clicked, I cannot put a finger on what it was, but something just clicked and I feel, well, relieved.

It's really nice to come out of a week and feel like getting through the next week is something I can actually do. I am finally able to focus my energy on planning. If you know me, you'd know that planning and looking forward (no matter how successful or unsuccessful it is) makes me feel good. And somehow, suprisingly enough, my plans -when not successful- do not shatter my hapiness. When I am at my best, I shrug the disappointment off and say to myself "time for some new ones". And yet again, I start to look forward.

For now, that's all I have to say. Will post a lot ...soon!

xoxo
Drama Queen

I'm lovin it!

Today was the first day of enjoying singledom. (After long tense months of trying to work out a relationship) I don't know what was wrong or perhaps right today. I was super bubbly and just happy (I don't know why-but isn't that good)

I felt that zing in me again after such a long time. Seems like YAY I am happy again. I realized that if someone would rather look for new reasons everyday on why we should not be together rather than being with me, then I am pretty much just better off being single.

A close friend of mine had suggested some time back
"just be single and enjoy the attention"....and Guess what ..I just did that today!

YAY! For the first time since months...I actually feel happily single! And I am lovin it! La La La!

A BIG TOUCHWOOD!

Love
Me :)

Big just Died for me!

End of the story.
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Relieved

I have finally managed to secure the blog. This blog is now visible only to certain selected people. You cannot Google it, you cannot just read it if you have the link. You need to be an approved reader (approved by me obviously) to be able to view my blog. This has come as such a huge relief since I did not want people at my work place or just random people to read my blog. So if you can see it, you are the privileged lot...he he.

Love,
Me :) 

Working on this blog! Yay!

I am trying to make this blog as user friendly as I can. In my attempts to do so I have added a couple of gadgets and removed some non functional ones.

On the right hand side you can see a Label Cloud. I am trying to label all my blog posts but it will take me a week to finish them all. But meanwhile I have labelled some of the posts which will be visible under the respective labels. This helps in identifying similar blog posts for example, all the posts which have images will be labelled under Images. One post can have more than one label so don't be confused if you see the same posts in two different labels. (I don't think you will put in so much brain and effort on my mindless blog he he but what the hell I am doing my duty of informing my lovely audience :D (I am such a drama queen ...like I ever said) 

Also, I am doing both of us a big favor by Previewing the post before I publish it which results in lesser mistakes in grammar, spelling and punctuation. Don't expect me to write fancy because I cannot. This is my diary and I blab in my diary. Please like it for what it is :)

Love 

Me :)

My Make up Essentials

Please note that I do not use all of them together LOL....I am a light make up person. But these are the essentials that I use whenever I do.

1. I love eye lash curler. I think its one of the best inventions he he. (In the make up world I mean LOL) 
2. MAC Kohl Sticks in Black and Grey. 
3. Body Shop Blush (in natural tone) - No. 10 Fard A Jous
4. Maybelline Mascara - XXL and Full n Soft, (Even Colossol volume is good)
5. Lip Balm - Any would do, I am currently using The Little Green Tin by Superdrug 
6. Elizabeth Arden Dual Lip Gloss in Naturals- Sunset and Sunrise ..(LOVE IT! Its yummy too lol) 
7. MUST HAVE : Lancome Star Gloss - Clear Lip Shine without any bling or tint. Louuvvvee It. 
8. My Favourite Lipsticks : Estee Lauder Signature Lipstick - Dune Rose No.11  and The Body Shop No.56 (YUM) and CK No. 204 Abstract - Delicious Truth 
9. For make up remover I use : The Body Shop's Camomile Gentle Eye Make Up Remover OR Boots Botanics Soothing Eye Make Up Remover. 

I am not bragging about any products. I just believe in wearing sasta clothes and good make up LOL....he he pasie bachao paise kharcho especially if you are on a shoe string budget like mine.

Love 

Me :) 

Books that I am currently reading or about to start

This is actually a vague list of what I will be reading over summer. Please note that I am reading two of them currently.

1. Laughable Loves - Milan Kundera
2. The unbearable lightness of being - Milan Kundera
3. Prince of Ayodhya  and 3 more parts of the series - Ashok K. Banker 
4. The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana - Umberto Eco 
5. The Island of Day Before - Umberto Eco 
6. Inferno- Dante 
7. My Name is Red - Orhan Pamuk 
8. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the night time - Mark Haddon 
9. Jawaharlal Nehru An Autobiography 
10. Snow - Orhan Pamuk 

Now, out of the ten mentioned above, I have already read My name is Red by Orhan Pamuk maybe twice or thrice. It is one of my favorite books and I plan to re-read it this summer. 

I am currently reading the unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera and I just began The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco . I personally do not recommend reading more than one book at a time because I personally feel you cannot be completely absorbed in a book when you are having a fling with another. But there is something peculiar about The unbearable lightness of being. It is very textually rich and heavy in matter and every time I read it I cannot get past 6-7 pages because it actually leaves my head a bit heavy. It provokes thoughts I never knew I could have. It invigorates a process in my mind that brings my mind to unrest. (Did that make sense) All I know is it does something that I cannot express in words for those are strong emotions we are talking about.  

This is the reason why I am reading another book (The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana - Umberto Eco) along with it, which calms the unrest in my mind. I have just started it, so it is a bit early to comment on it. But I will keep you posted. 

If there are any books you would like to suggest, please feel free to drop a comment. 

Love

me :)

What's in my Bag???

A peek into what's in my bag.....
I am absolutely in love with this delicious River Island Black Quilted Shopper Bag which I have had for a year now but I cannot seem to get enough of it.
. 
They had a very limited stock of these bags (Which were replicated A LOT...there were some downright cheap copies that I saw, and that totally broke my heart yet, I had the consolation that I picked the original at the right time and at the right place.) It is not a very expensive bag, I vaguely remember paying £30 for it and it is specifically from the River Island store in Liverpool (my favorite RI outlet so far). Enough about the bag. I must get to the point now...What is in it ?
These are the things I usually carry in my bag. I am sure this explains why I will never be seen with small bags. I think they are a waste of money (its a highly personal opinion, so those of you who like them please do not take offence)

1. Spectacles w/ case (shiny golden one he he BLING BLING)
2. Sunglasses (even though I hardly ever use them, I think it is always advisable to carry a pair.)
3. House keys...The key ring is from Delhi Haat for Rs70 ...its soo pretty ..(but chipped in a week :( ...total raste ka maal saste mein) 
4. My ID card from work- whether its a weekday or a weekend it is always in by bag because I am so careless and I can't afford to lose it. 
5. USB  or Flash Drive - just random stuff like my resume, some pictures,a couple of songs and some other random stuff (I don't even know what, havnt checked in aged) 
6. My phone and an extra cover for my BB, (I carry the hot pink case as an extra because even though I like it, but it can be really annoying at times so I use the original BB case)And unlike some people I CAN LIVE WITHOUT MY PHONE, I do NOT think it is an absolute necessity. 
7. My wallet (needs no explanation) 
8. Lip Balm - My green tin YAY 
9. A perfume. It could be any..I am not fussy but I do not like to carry around big bulky bottles. Something medium size does it for my bag ;-) 
10. A couple of pens.
11. Chewing Gum! A MUST MUST HAVE. 
12. My makeup pouch/bag or whatever it is. 
13. A pair of earphones (or ear plugs or headsets...I don't know what's the correct terminology...My Vocab is horrible...but I think headsets are the ones that rest on your head and outer surface of your ears...pffttttt..let it be) 
14. Some loose powder (I have never used it yet I have never bothered to take it out-I hoard)  
15. Tampons (that pink can) 
16. I also carry wet tissues or hand sanitizer(I am wondering why it is not in the picture..probably its somewhere in the bag)

Pheww that is a lot of stuff and a long list but yeah that's about it. 

Love 

Me :)

Freshhhhhhh!!!

I know you are absolutely bored out of your wits by reading about my sob stories with Big!(Even though I am not :( ...) So just to keep you happy and interested I am going to upload a couple of posts which will be very different from what I have done till now. The following three will be up in a couple of minutes.

1. What's in my bag?
2. Books I am in process of reading and about to begin....
3. My Make Up essentials! (yah I knw....LOL) 

Hope you like them! 

P.S Also a note to people in the mailing list:.(READ: KANCHU) Stop replying back to those blog post mass emails. They are BOUNCE emails sent by an external server/mailbox (I don't exactly know what) When you comment on them (By hitting the REPLY button), I don't get them as blog post comments, I get them as emails in the obscure email id I DO NOT USE! ..and yes I love you too. 

If you all wish to comment ....Please comment on the blog posts. Just because I have given you guys the ease of reading the blog posts the moment I post them...directly through an e-mail does not mean I will NOT appreciate your effort of coming to my blog and POSTING A COMMENT! I love you all..:)

Love, 

Shivani 

View From Work ....:D

View from the Workstation :)

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Found It!

Finally found my watch, that had gone missing around 3 months back. Apparently it was buried under my winter clothes which were packed off for next winters a couple of months back. My domestic help decided to check if I had folded them nicely and kept pot pourri (Big taught me its prounced as ..PAWPOURRI- (So credit here) sachets in my winter clothes(for leeping away the stale smell), and thats when it occured to me that the watch is missing ever since winters got over. I dug out all clothes, and there it was, lying at the bottom of the bag ...waiting to be found. Awwww my lovely little watch. Me loves it xoxo.......

Post the lovely find...I decided to shower it with lots of love lol so I kept it for good 4 hours in its cushioned box so that it could feel at home one again. (yes I am bordering on craziness ...or maybe I am there already) ...and I am wearing it now...Yay!

I gave lots of TLC to all my watches today so that they knew that I am always concerned about them...and that I love them a lot!

Next Mission: Find the missing iPod! 

Love
Me :)

A surfeit of laughter

Last Sunday (the sunday that just went) my girlfriends(Neha and Shruti) came home for a sleep over. Well, there was hardly any sleep involved in it. We discussed everything from sangrias to sex to shoes! One hell of a night it was! Ok so whats new in this? I laughed....A Lot! A Whole Lot Lot!
We cracked up on a personal joke (which is now in our book of highly awesome personal jokes :D) and me and shruti could not just stop laughing, I think we laughed  for like 20 minutes non stop, obviously at the expense of Neha huhahaha! My stomach was hurting with the laughter and tears came rolling down(this is how hard we were laughing) It was at that point of time that I realized that I had not laughed my lungs out (literally) in months (even if its a year now...I wont be surprised). Last I laughed like this it was towards the end of 2009 or maybe early 2010.
What went wrong? I dont know! But I did not laugh that well! And it was in that brief moment of time I realized how important it is to laugh, how important it is to have close friends to share that laughter with and how important it is to always feel so good about something that you cant stop that overflowing of that good emotion.
Life has taken a whole new meaning in the last few weaks. Somethings taught me how weak I was and how I need to pull up my socks and some things taught me that I am getting there.

This was like a random ramble!
Will post more!

Love
Me...:)

Aah Bugger!

Well an update on how 18th went.
Good first day at work!
Bad day for getting an apartment ..the answer from god and DDA is 'NO'

Feeling rather horrid! Coz I was riding my hopes so high on DDA that I almost forgot that lacs of people had applied for some 16000 flats. :(

Disappointed and Heartbroken
Me :( 

Quick Update!

18th is an important day. Why ?
Well, for  a start .......I join the corporate warfare. I start on monday and am stuck with that MNC (under a legally binding contract) till at least April 30.2013.After that its entirely up to me whether I want to work with them or not.  WOW thats long! And now life will get in a rut. A rut I so despise.

and then on the very same day, the housing draw comes out and on that day either I will have a house of my own or I will not. So fingers crossed for that. I just cannot wait to have my own apartment. I will be totally heartbroken if I dont get it . :(

Love
Me

Mere do Bachon ki maa

I have never posted any spiral video but this one is just AWESOME! and well quite heartfelt by a lot of fellas.....
love
me :) 

From the bottom of my stomach

I am at a point where i can clearly see myself standing in the present. Its like standing on the shared border of two countries, you stand in the middle and can clearly see where you come from and where you are going, only I have not felt this weird in the stomach about what is coming in a very long time. I always thought wow I have so much to look forward to but now I am scared, confused and very very weak in deciding whats best for me and whats the right thing to do for years to come.
I have a job offer that requires me to sign a two year bond. It seems like a small amount of time but I feel so weird getting tied down. What if I dont like it in the first week? I don't want to drudge it for 24 straight months.
I am handling a break up that refuses to breakup in my head. Very difficult situation because it just doesn't go. Some days I think I am there, I am ready to move on and the next day I would feel resentful, angry and hurt all over again. It sounds Menopause-ish.

More to come
Love
Me :/ 

Life is giving me lemons.....

When I was sixteen I had a vision of what my life would look like in mid twenties and there on. Clearly I am not living my vision. The picture is of disappointment. A clear personal disappointment. Disappointment of what I wanted and what I have become.
Me :(
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Sorting out

Apologies for my loooongg absence. Trying to sort out life and that begins by sorting my wardrobe and room. No it isn't a complete mess and generally looks like ( the clean room image). But am sorting my wardrobe so all my clothes are on my bed. Will post pics when I am done.
Love
Me :)
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

24

Finally turned 24! It was a greattt greattt birthday and I am now most certain that my year has begun.
Started my birthday with a shot of tequila and a pinch of salt :) sharp at midnight! Lets see how it goes now.

@24
Me

A heartfelt One

To A,
May both our fortunes change for the better.....
Regards,

S 

Top 5 Things

Check out the top 5 Steps of a relationship on the right hand side of the screen. The times of undying love have vanished. Clearly its just a text book concept now. Love does not exist anymore. And how will it exist when commitment phobia, trust issues, mud slinging and accusing-investigating have taken its place.

Me 

Lehmber ne ban jaana tera manmeet ni.....

I have to admit I absolutely love punjabi songs (not the lame ones). I love Lehmber, RDB and Sukhshinder Shinda.....totally love punjabi music. It can be great when you want to dance and it can be awesome when you want to cry.

Sadi Gali from the movie Tanu weds Manu marks the entry of Lehmber Hussainpuri in Bollywood. 

And I totally love the song. It reminds of the time I have spent in UK with my friends, going to punjabi nights in some damn good clubs there. Brits know how to appreciate punjabi music unlike us Pseudo Cool Happening Delhi crowd. We are losers..we can only play chandigarh kare asshiqui in our 'jagmagati' cars instead of playing good punjabi music in good clubs in Delhi. Arghhhh....Hate it!

Me :) 

My hindi movie arsenal

These are my favourite top flicks. Chick flicks or not I dont know but I know that these movies are the movies I watch when I am happy, when I am low, when I am direction-less and when I am motivated.

1. Wake Up Sid
2. Life in a Metro
3. Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi 
4. Salaam Namaste
5. Jab We Met 
6. Love Aaj Kal 
7. Break Ke Baad
8. and now after a couple of months there is finally an addition to the list: Yeh Saali Zindagi. 

These are the hindi films I love and watch whenever I get time. Wake Up Sid is probably the favourite. I hope I get two more good films to make it my top 10 list of favourite hindi movies. 

Love 

Me :) 

A cunning basturd called Mind....

I m just thinking out textually right now. Can we condition our minds to think a certain way? Can we condition our mind to think only about certain things and to not think about people? Can we? Can we tell our mind that it cannot afford to fuck around with us anymore? Can we tell our mind to stop fooling around with certain emotions? Can we tell it to focus on what SHOULD be the priority instead of what it makes to be the priority? Can we?
Mind is a cunning basturd. A very cunning basturd. For if it wasn't the world would be devoid of some intense trouble. I wish....I only wish my mind wasn't such a big basturd. That it would listen to me when I try to teach it how NOT to think about certain things. It is not a battle with the world anymore. It is a battle with this cunning basturd. And I tell you people ....I think I am gonna win. *WINK*

Me 

ek chutki mein

It takes 23 years to build values that you believe in, the values that work for you, the values that you work for. Not values that your parents try to teach you or your education teaches you. The Values that your experience and knowledge teach you. And it takes a snap of a finger to forget about them. 

It takes one twisted relationship to teach you that love is only a word without any meaning. 

It takes one ditch of a friend to teach you that you cannot trust anyone but yourself. 

It takes one bitch of a boss to teach you that success does not come easy. 

And it takes 2 minutes to realize that you if you want to be happy you should think about your happiness and not expect to be happy in somebody else's happiness, for in essence IT IS SOMEBODY ELSE's happiness. You want to be happy ...think about yourself first, middle and last. Just your SELF! for that's the only thing that will stay with you till the end.

Me 

Problem

Ishq ka ek problem hai..agar ek ki lagi toh doosre ki toh lagni hai ...Naturally!

Hair there everywhere :) Its all about a haircut

A haircut means much more than just chopping of hair. Especially if you are having it after a break up. It is the first step of successful moving on. Its like this - just like you need a ring to seal the deal for a commitment you need a haircut to seal the deal for a break up. And well I just did that . How do I look? I think it looks KILLER. Suddenly life feels nice and awesome. I think that's because my birthday month has started.

Also , I am watching one of my all time favourite films - Wake Up Sid. I love this movie and every time I watch it I want to just move in an apartment by myself .....ohhh when will the day come.

love
me :)

It's complicated

Its been like forever since I posted something on the blog. A lot has happened since this year started. So far everything has been going pretty ok but somethings have complicated even further.  An ex decided to make his way back into my life (not with success though) and this is not just any ex this is the most complicated ex ever. His name or call or even a slight reference still provokes heart wrenching thoughts. I don't like this and I certainly will not be party to this but this has made me think hard about the relationship I am in. I cannot always be the girl who makes the guy perfect for a next one. I cannot always do this. I need and totally need ridiculous, maddening, irritating and indulgent love, where you cannot think about anything but that one person and VICE VERSA. (Very important)......I just dont feel like writing but nevertheless I will post this.

Welcome 2011

Finally the first post of 2011. I am welcoming 2011 on my blog with a different theme. A Pink Theme :)
The year has started rather weirdly. Details ...umm maybe later. For now I am too excited because technically the first week of this year starts today. So I have lots to do now. I will get back with more meaningful posts a little later. For now- A very happy new year.

Love
Me :)