Silence is silver....

I have realized during these last four weeks that silence can be much more than just being quite. It can make you see things in a different perspective since you are only listening and not processing your own thoughts into speech at the same time.

Listening and only listening can help you see and understand things in a better light. But for someome like me who speaks much before she even listens or thinks, it is a tiring task in itself to keep quite.

I am trying and I see myself succeeding in it and for the first time in years I understand why they say Silence is Golden. Although I think it is silver. It shows your the silver lining in everything.

Silently
Drama Queen

Old Drafts.....I should have published.

I loved him for so long and he has punished me for it. He ended up treating me like someone he owned instead of someone he earned. And it destroyed me.

Happiness is not the most important thing. People don't like sonnets about being compatible or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversations. Great loves are crazy ones. Great Love, for us.....it's complicated, intense, all consuming, no matter what we do, how much we fight it always pulls us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that.

Dear A,

When I asked you forever ago, What are we A.... last winter you said we couldn't be together...and I believed you. But every time I tried to move on, you are right there. Maybe you just want me to be, just as unhappy as you are. And if you want me to be happy, then look down deep into the soul, I know you have. And tell me if what you feel for me is real or if it just a game. If it is real, we'll figure it out. All of it. But if it is not then please just let me go.

Me

They say parting is such sweet sorrow. But wouldn't it be nice if just for once ...it didn't have to be.

Love
Me :) 

Emotional Duck-ism

I am an emotional duck.

There is a saying about how ducks and swans are seen to be gliding along the surface of a water body, all smooth, elegant, serence and calm, while underneath, their feet are going rapidly to keep them going.
Yeah, well that's me and my emotional casserole.

I feel like I turned a masive corner this week.These last few weeks, or maybe even this last month has been a hard one but a certain peace and calmness has come over me and a very clear sign of the same, is the fact, that I slept like a log without any disturbing dreams for straight 11 hours! Sound sleep had become a distant dream since a couple of weeks. I could not sleep properly, I could not enjoy food, I could not enjoy just being in my skin. Something clicked, I cannot put a finger on what it was, but something just clicked and I feel, well, relieved.

It's really nice to come out of a week and feel like getting through the next week is something I can actually do. I am finally able to focus my energy on planning. If you know me, you'd know that planning and looking forward (no matter how successful or unsuccessful it is) makes me feel good. And somehow, suprisingly enough, my plans -when not successful- do not shatter my hapiness. When I am at my best, I shrug the disappointment off and say to myself "time for some new ones". And yet again, I start to look forward.

For now, that's all I have to say. Will post a lot ...soon!

xoxo
Drama Queen

A sudden realization!

OK this one is going to be a short one!

I just re-read the last post and it makes me realize what utter bullshit of a home-bird I have become. I am almost sickeningly talking like a housewife. I am glad I did not have - Drop the kids to the school- as a thing to do in the list. Phew! Life is going to change and it is going to change pretty soon! As I already said- 2011 is going to be my year!

Almost frantically
Me :)